Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Arthur the Dog

sub title

Adventures in baby(dog)sitting

First off - before I go on, I have to say Arthur is a wonderful dog. He's well behaved (mostly) and rather peaceful and excellent company for dog people. Also, as you can see by the pictures, he's a most handsome dog. And if I were a dog person, I would love Arthur for my very own. But I'm much more of a cat person than a dog person so this exercise in dog sitting is.......challenging. There are 231 reason why I will never own a dog and Arthur has reinforced a few of them.

Reason # 57
Fur or hair or whatever you call it. Again as you can see Arthur is a gorgeous dog. I could only dream my hair would be such a rich hue of colours, from golden blond to deep red to chocolate brown - beautifully and richly toned! And now I have much of that fur or hair or whatever you call it all over the house to remind me once Arthur departs. It is on my clothes. It is on my furniture. It is on my carpets. It is on my food. It is inside my dishes. It is EVERYWHERE.

Reason # 183
Having to get up and out of the house almost immediately upon waking. Yes, dogs like humans, have to have certain needs relieved as soon as they get up. Unfortunately they need their beloved owners to get up and out in order to help them. Nothing like stumbling almost blindly out that door before a morning coffee.

Reason # 64
Need. Yes dogs have needs. They need attention. They need love. They need to know they are wanted and adored. Cats, on the other hand, could care less. I admire that in an animal. I feel somewhat helpless in the overwhelming need dogs have to be loved.

Reason # 126
Guilt. This goes along with Reason # 64. I just don't love Arthur as much as he seems to love me. I feel so guilty when I look into his adoring eyes and think "I'm just not that into you." Reminds me of years and years and years ago when I broke up with a couple of boyfriends.

Reason # 215
Peeing. I don't know if female dogs (or bitches - heh heh) pee as much as male dogs, but man oh man can that dog pee!! Every shrub, tree, post - whatever - he lifts his leg and lets it go. Where does he store it all???? Now I noticed this phenomena a while ago but I went for a walk with my neighbour and Arthur the dog the other night and watched laughingly as she started counting the number of times that dog peed. I told her that's where the expression "marking his territory" came from.

Reason # 152
Grass. What is so fascinating about a single stalk of grass that he has to spend 5 minutes sniffing it. There are hundreds of billions of blades of grass, yet every so often one particular piece seems to fascinate him and I have to practically pull my arm out of it's socket getting him to move on.

Reason # 15
Whinning. While Arthur the dog is mostly well behaved, every so often he starts whinning. I think he realizes it's been a while since he saw his mom or something but he whines in this rather high-pitched way and won't stop until I pet him and pay attention to him for about 20 minutes.

Reason # 148
Noses. Dogs have very wet, very cold noses. And they love to 'nose' you in your upper arm or some other place on your body you are sure to notice.

Reason # 99
Crotch sniffing. 'nuff said.

Reason # 228
Puking. Now this one is a biggy for me!! Arthur the dog puked on my carpet. My nice, freshly, paid $60 to steam clean, off white carpet. The carpet I've always wanted but waited until the kids were grown and out (before they came back again) and no pets carpet. I was on the phone talking to his mommy when I heard him make this noise. I turned around and saw this yellowish bile vomit. I think her ears are still ringing from my cry of distress. I frantically tried to clean it, there is still a faint yellow tinge. Anyone have any ideas how to get rid of it?

Reason #1 (now this one will be graphic so you may choose not to read the number 1 reason I will never get a dog)
Dog shit!!!!!!! We don't have a fenced in yard so I have to walk Arthur the dog so he can do his thing. Now being a responsible dog sitter and very aware there are laws dealing with scooping the poop, the first time I took him for his dog shitting walk, I carried a plastic bag. Why he had to wait until the farthest part of the walk to shit I do not know. And when I picked it up it was warm eeewwww. And squishy eeewwww. So I had to carry smelly dog shit for most of the walk. And then!!! didn't Arthur the dog shit AGAIN!!!! I only had one bag with me. I didn't know he would shit twice!! So I bent to pick it up and the first shit fell out. So I had to pick up the first shit. And then, while trying to shovel all the shit into the bag, my finger slipped and smushed into the squished dog shit. EEEEEEWWWWW EEEEEEWWWWWW EEEEEWWWW. I practically ran home after that, dangling bag of dog shit bouncing along. I washed my hands with soap, then washed them again, then washed them again.
I was telling another neighbour this yesterday and after she stopped laughing, she gave me a pair of latex gloves for the next time. And what do you do with it once you get home? Thankfully it was garbage day the first day so I just put the bad of squished smelly dog shit right into the garbage, but what do I do with this mornings offering?? I would dump it into the toilet but I still don't have the hang of picking up dog shit and it's all sqished into the bag. (Thank the stars above for those latex gloves!!! When I got home, I washed them and washed them and washed them - they are mostly clean now but as soon as Arthur the dog goes home - they are toast) I'm NOT bringing that bag of squished smelly dog shit into the house! So I put it into the other bag I carried - learned that lesson fast I tell you - carry 2 plastic bags! and left it by the corner of the house. Once Arthur the dog goes home and before I dispose of the latex gloves, I'll use them one last time to gather all the bags of squished smelly dog shit and put them into one big bag and put it in the garbage bin.

'til later


Zina, the Princess Warrior Cat is still MIA. I did find her briefly yesterday in one of the bedrooms but as I was trying to comfort her, Arthur the dog came trotting down the hall and I think she has found a new hiding spot. I moved her food there and it was all gone this morning so she is peeping out once in a while. Some warrior. I tried explaining to her that Arthur the dog is a nice dog, he has a cat of his own, and he just wants to play with her, but she didn't seem to buy it.


ames said...


Max doesn't crotch sniff. And I don't do dog poop. But Max does like to get me with his wet nose. And he pokes me with it to get attention. If I don't give it to him, he'll stare at me forever, then he'll start barking at me!

And the blade of grass and peeing on everything-check.

This was a great post. LOL

Rosario said...

ROTFL!! I should know not to read your blog at work, now everyone's staring at me!

Anonymous said...

ok now that i have stopped laughing I can agree the dog shit is not nice and when you forget the bag at the park and have to use your empty coffee cup eeewww even worse. The hair oh well I shed too however you cannot beat the feel of the dog coming over to show you he thinks you are great and loves you best(as taz does with me) I thought I prefered cats but taz has me making a fool of myself and taking to the park for play time with other dogs, talking about him and getting him gifts all the time. So you change with age I guess.
Lori Berry

Bookwormom said...

OMG I can't breathe (& my kids think you're hilarious too).

I myself am a cat person, although I prefer to breathe & so we're pet free at the moment.

Bev (BB) said...


And you make me so glad we live far enough out in the country where all doggies and kitties can go outside all by their little ole selves. :D

Oh, and there are two products that do wonders on animals stains of just about any kind, both from Woolite:
- Pet Stain & Odor Remover (this one works good on most stains, even human ones, but its strength is how well it neutralizes the smells, which is very important with both dogs and cats in the house)
- OxyDeep Spot & Stain Carpet Cleaner (Amy was absolutely amazed at how fast this one took out some stains we hadn't been able to remove from furniture fabric)

Jennie said...

Oh my god. Thanks, Kristie, I needed that laugh today!

I'm so with you on the dog thing.

The Book Girl, A.K.A. Jodi said...


Well, since I have cream colored carpet and 3 dogs and 2 cats - I know a bit about stains. Use any cleaner with Oxy clean. That stuff is magic!

Bonnie said...

I am *so* off wanting a dog now ... THANKS! You just reminded me why it's easier to encourage my sister to get another dog and live vicariously through her ...

LMAO! Thanks for that!

— Bonz

CindyS said...

OMG!! Exactly!! This was just hilarious.

Since we moved to an unfenced area I have become aware of the 'stoop and scoop' thing and it's gross.

Now, I figure I can out smart a dog so I make sure he goes out in his yard before we go for a walk (that way there are 10' shovels and rakes involves). It was all good until he had to stop taking walks there while the vet tried to figure some stuff out.

Then I decide screw it, the dog is gettings ants in his pants and needs to walk. He does his biz and I always take a bag so that if people see me they know I take care of the biz. So yeah, I'm all shocked when he suddenly poops but since I came prepared I'm good. We turn around and head back home so I can deposit bag in garbage, wash my hands and then we go back out. Not three feet away he goes again!! I'm all WTF!!?? Have you been saving up!

Now I carry three bags with me.


Oh and we use Nature's Miracle but go with someone else's suggestion because I just tear carpets up so I don't have to deal with crap like that ;)


Tara Marie said...

Too Funny!! It reminds me why we have a cat. But in the back of my mind I keep thinking little boys need dogs.

Ames, And he pokes me with it to get attention. If I don't give it to him, he'll stare at me forever, then he'll start barking at me! That must be a Jack Russell thing, my sister's does that too.

Mailyn said...

I am a dog, cat, hamster, snake, mouse, and just about anything else person. I seriously love them all to bits. It's too bad I can't have cats anymore but I have my hands full with 3 dogs. I am always jealous that Ames and CindyS get to have both. :-(

Poop is nasty, I agree but I have to say cat pee smells even worse than any other pee, except rabbits. EWWWW!!! LOL.

Shedding is the other thing that I hate. I have a huge fluffy bear of a dog and I constantly have to vacuum.

Love the post, I kept laughing and my coworkers kept looking at me funny.LMAO.

Anonymous said...

ROFL.......Kristie you have made my day. I'm lucky the back yard is fenced and I pick it all up once a week with a little garden shovel *grin
But when we are out for walks, yes it is warm. Trick is to always carry 2 bags.
Arther is VERY handsome.

Nikki said...

That was great, Kristie!

I used to be a cat person, but now we have a Lab because of my son. My husband says "Every boy needs a dog" (Whatever)

What I miss most is purring and curling up with my kitties. When I cuddle with our 90 pound dog, (he has to have some part of himself on top of me), I can't breath!

And the hair!! THE HAIR!!! Enough said!

Kristie (J) said...

Nikki: Reason #12 is the lap thing. Arthur thinks he is a lap dog - but he isn't! When he jumps on your lap his feet and legs hit all kinds of spots that cause one to yelp in pain. And you're right - the purring of a cat is just so comforting. It's nice when a cat allows you to pet it :)

Janice: now see - it it was cold and slightly hardened I could handle picking up dog shit. It's the warm, squishy and very smelly stuff that get's to me.

Mailyn: yep - cat pee is very nasty, but if you have a nice fastidious cat (like the Princess I do), then it's all good. Just gather that clump litter in a scoop and there you are! No warm, smelly stuff!

Tara: Ron was always a cat person too so it was agreed when we had the boys - No Dogs! And now they are both cat people too.

Cindy: I was most astonished (and dismayed) when he went that second time!! The first one was a big enough dump!!

Bonz: I can see why some people are dog people - I really can. They love you unconditionally. But I'm just not one of them. I just can't love the dear things back the way they need to be.

Jodi: Bless you and Bev both on the Oxy thing. That is numero uno on my grocery list!!! It was less than a month ago I paid a professional to clean the carpet. At the time he wanted to upsell me on something that would rebuff stains. Oh how I wish I hadn't cheapend out and said no!!!!!

Bev: again - thank you for the Oxy stuff solution!! Lisa lives out in the country - right near a horse racing track - so if I had gone there to babysit, the Number #1 reason wouldn't have been an issue - but then there would have been no malls - no bookstores - dial up internet - so I decided to have Arthur come to my place *sigh*

Bookwormon: I'm glad your kids thought it was funny too *g*. Yes - give me cats anyday - Please!

Lori: LOL - Trust me *huge grin* I ain't never going to change as regards to dogs. They are fine when they are someone else's. I like them well enough, but I will NEVER want one of my very own.

Rosario: knowing you are a fellow cat person, we must stick together!

Ames: I was almost thinking it was a Horton Hears a Who kind of thing with Arthur. A tiny miniscule colony of people live on certain blades of grass and his mission was to sniff out and protect them! That's why he refused to leave so that I had to dddrrrraaaaggg him away.

Lori said...

LMAO!! Kristie this is too funny! I am at work dammit! And snickering.

You dump it all in the big trash can, or better yet, someone else's *g*. Someone always has their trash can out at the curb. You just have to learn to be stealthy!

nancy said...

Hey Kris:

Your sister Nancy here. Oh my God!!!! I was at work today when I read your blog. I had to work with mascara running down my face and smelling faintly like pee since I laughed so hard I cried and then peed myself. Knowing you and knowing Arthur I had the best mental picture ever. This blog story was right up there with Stephanie Plum. You are such a funny writer and the best part is it is all true. Yea for my sister.

Kristie (J) said...

Nance: Knowing Arthur the way you do, I figure if you read this you would get a kick out of it. *g* It is Arthur isn't it???

Lori: I did consider "dumping" it in someone else's garbage *g*, but there were lot's of people out and about when I took him walking. I didn't want anyone running after me and making me take it back.

ReneeW said...

ROTFLMAO!!! I had to close my office door. So hilarious. I missed this post last Tuesday and here it is Friday. Dog poop is the worst. That's exactly why we don't have a dog anymore. I've got to show your post to Bob. Thanks for brightening my day.