Tuesday, August 04, 2009

It was 4 years ago today that I lost Ron. This is the first time I've worked on this day - I'm at work now. I'm hoping everyone kind of leaves me alone to just do my job and go home.
At first I thought it was 3 years but then realized it was 4. How could I get that mixed up?

I think I've done pretty well. I have a life I enjoy. I've travelled and met some wonderful people, friends I knew through blogging that I've met in person now and discovered they are just as wonderful in person as they are online.

I've had the kitchen redecorated and I'm in the processes of having the outside landscaped - a bigger undertaking then I first considered, but one I'm looking forward too.

I have a job that while I have serious issues with now, at heart I love. The money is good and I am VERY fortunate that I have no real financial worries - I think that every day in these times. I even have enough to help the 'boys' out if they need it.

While I still have my mail-opening phobia - I have managed to pay bills for four years now on my own and so far I haven't got cut off from any services.

I have good friends both in my everyday life and online.

I think I've done pretty darn good on my own, even though I know Ron is having fits about the state of the house. I will never be as neat as he was.

But there is still a bone deep loneliness inside. I think that's only to be expected after living with someone almost 32 years. The hole isn't there anymore - though it's just scar tissue covering it. I'm open to meeting someone. I have sort of half signed up with a couple of online dating services if only to meet someone for a coffee or something. But I don't think I did it right. The one keeps matching me up with people in London England - and that a bit to far to travel for a coffee. The big drawback is having to post a picture of myself. I've managed to put on quite a bit of weight over the past four years - a combination of having no one to cook for, bad eating habits and a tendency to eat when depressed. I really need to work on this over this next year!! I hate the way I look so putting up a picture on an Internet dating site is out!

But I'd like to say to anyone who has lost someone dear to them, that life does go on. It's not the same as before, in some ways my life is richer, but we have a resiliency that allows us to come back from sorrow, to learn more about ourselves and to become someone different.


Mary said...

I've followed your blog for a while now (on google reader). Love your posts and reviews. I just want to send you a hug today. I think it's really great that you can write your thoughts so eloquently.

Oh, and I agree, if you live in the US, London would be a bit far for a cup of coffee : )

Mary said...

Hang on, lol, I saw in your profile that you're in Canada. Well, I still think it's too far to go to London for coffee ; )

lisabea said...

Well you know that I think you rock the house, KristieJ. I heart you and I'm proud of you.

(((huge ass hug)))

Teddy Pig said...

Good luck! For me, online dating... Oh hell no!

Too cerebral and not enough ability to observe them in natural surroundings before trying the guy out for a test drive.

I did it the old fashioned way...
I went out and got drunk and dragged some one night stands home and dated some real losers and tried the whole sex thing again.

If you keep running into really nasty folks then consider moving asap.

One day after doing all this I met the guy I am still with after almost ten years now.

Just a couple of things I have learned though from my own bad experiences. Try to limit any stories or mention of the dead lover and no comparing even in thought. It's not fair and sorta creepy and depressing and dead people are always so much more perfect which we all know is a load of bull.

lisabea said...

Have I mentioned my deep regard for swine lately?

TPig. You are a good egg. No shit.

azteclady said...


You are one of the bravest people I know and one of the most generous.

Sending you good thoughts, always.

Lea said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Wendy said...

The last paragraph says it all. Chin up sweets.

JenB said...

Life does go on. It's both the most wonderful and the most awful thing about losing someone. *hugs*

Jessica said...

Hugs from me too. Thinking of you today.

Mary G said...

Lots of hugs to you today. You're a beautiful person Kristie. Just smile in your picture - that's always beautiful.

MsMoonlight (Elizabeth Jules Mason) said...

Kristie ((((hugs))) Sounds like you've come a long way - good for you! That can't be easy, but you did it. You sound like a really amazing woman and any man would be lucky to catch you.


AnimeJune said...

((((hugs)))) Kristie J! My love and prayers are with you on this day.

Teddy Pig said...

I apologise though, I really have to roll my eyes at "Teddy Pig's", comment. Can anyone say "inappropriate"?

Sorry Lea if my sharing offends you about how I got out of my depression and pain after losing my lover to AIDS.

Life has never been concerned about my feelings so I got my ass out there good or bad and met some real losers and acted like a real mess and generally got on with it all.

It did end up being all right and I did succeed in finding someone to put up with my inappropriate ass. So it's all good.

Nicola O. said...

Kristie, thinking of you today. I'm glad you've found a measure of peace, and you deserve another HEA. I'm sure it's waiting for you.

Lisa Marie Wilkinson said...

Your courage is a source of inspiration.

I always envision the lost loved one watching over us, shaking their heads at some of our stupid moves, laughing at our antics, and crying along with us when we're sad. And applauding us when we make those painful steps to move on and keep living.

Bless you.

Hilcia said...

I've been following your story for a while, KristieJ. ((Hugs)) today. You've come a long way and should be proud.

cheryl c said...

Kristie, I admire you so much for your strength, honesty, and sense of humor when facing life's difficulties. Hang in there because you are doing great. From what I can see, you are very rich with friends online and in person.

BTW, I can sympathize with the weight gain woes. Evil menopause changed my body!

Casee said...

Your strength is inspiring, Kristie. ((hug))

Tricia said...

Your in my prayers and thoughts Kristie {{hugs}}

Leslie said...


At first it's minute by minute, then hour by hour, then day by day. Then sometimes a whole week will go by without being overcome by the loss. We begin to remember what that person added to our lives instead of what we lost.

And sometimes, usually when you think you're doing okay, that loss will slam into you without warning but you just pick yourself up and keep going. That's what you're doing and you're doing a good job at it. :)

As for the online dating, I say go for it! It may be hard to put yourself out there but you're a strong women. Do what you're comfortable with and the rest will follow.

Marg said...

You are an amazing woman Kristie, and you are braver than I am in relation to online dating.

I have been by myself for nearly 7 years now which if far too long, but I am not really read to try online dating. A big issue for me is having to put my picture up. One day someone will see beyond the exterior, but I am not holding my breath that it will be soon.

Lori said...

(((Kristie))) You are really doing great. I am so proud of you - from the moment you started this blog til now you have done nothing but exemplify grace under pressure. Your willingness to put it all out there with (originally) a bunch of strangers and (now) a bunch of friends continues to awe and inspire me.

I know that Ron is out there watching over you and your boys and he is so proud of the woman that you have become.

And don't even talk to me about pictures. Ugh! Go for it, sweetie! You'll know when the time is right to do it.

SarahT said...

Kristie...I don't know what to say except to send you virtual hugs and hope you get through the day OK. You're obviously a strong person to have gotten this far with all you've had to cope with over the past few years. Best of luck with the internet dating.

Also, I'd like to say that I didn't find Teddy's comments inappropriate. We all deal with grief in different ways. As long as he's happy now, that's what really counts.

Lea said...

(((HUGS))) Kristie:

I thought of you all day today, and I'm very sorry for your loss.

You are strong beyond measure.



Apologies to you as well, I didn't understand your comment earlier. Deeply sorry for your loss as well.


C2 said...

(((((Kristie))))) I think you're an amazing lady. :o)

Cindy W said...

Big Hugs Kristie.
I don't know what you are going through, can't even imagine. You are tough stuff, and I think you are a remarkable woman.

Julie at Outlandish Dreaming said...

*Big Hugs* Kristie, this is the first I've heard that you lost Ron four years ago, I didn't know - you are so brave, I can't imagine how these last 4 years must have been for you, but I congratulate you on getting through it, and I enjoy your lovely blog and I hope to get to meet you someday!

Kristie (J) said...

Just to clear things up - I wasn't the least bit offended by TP's comment - in fact it made me chuckle. And laughter is always welcome.
Our family has always had an off beat sense of humour and it's served well in bad times. One of the things I remember most about this date four years ago is laughing at the funeral home.
One of the things Ron said the most is "I'm upset, I'm very upset", much of the time at me 'cause I had my head in the clouds over something - and he just sounded so dang prissy whenever he said it, it was funny and I told him I was going to put it on his head stone. When we were talking to the guy at the funeral home and he asked if there was anything that Ron might have wanted on his marker, I couldn't help think of all the times Ron and I had that conversation - it was often - and I said his favourite expression was I'm upset, I'm very upset. The funeral guy who had no sense of humour started writing it down. The boys, my sister Lisa and I all looked at each other and I had to say I was only kidding. He left the room shortly after that and we all burst out laughing. A strange thing to do at such a time - but I think even Ron was laughing himself over that.

And to Mary - I live in London ONTARIO, CANADA - that's why I find it amusing that I get matches from London ENGLAND :) I think I must have filled the form out wrong or not enough or something.

Kaetrin said...

I'm not sure whether to give condolences or congratulations - maybe both??

I am fairly new to your blog so I hadn't realised that you had lost your husband. I can't imagine how awful that must have been for you and yours.

It is nice to hear that things get better. While I haven't lost my husband there've been other things (like with everyone I guess) so it is comforting to hear that eventually time does ease things.

Here's wishing that you get another special someone who can walk with you from now on and make you laugh and feel beautiful.

nath said...


You're doing great!! Keep it up! :)

Cecile said...

You are truly an inspiration Kriste!! Please know that in my heart, you are a woman that I admire.
And yea... unless you want to make that an over night stay for coffee in London... lol!!! That is funny!

CindyS said...

Hugs! You've done great and I know Ron would want you to be happy so meeting someone is definitely a wonderful idea. I have to say, I see those online dating sites and think that *Godforbid anything happen* it would make things a little easier for some of us who are shy or introverts.

And I hear you about pictures but that one of you in the white top on Rita night is fantastic! (I think Wendy might have snapped it)

You are so strong and courageous - you can do anything you put your mind to - we've all seen it ;)


Amy said...

Kristie, hugs to you! I'm glad that you have memories, good and funny, to get you through a time I'm not sure I could even envision. You've definitely got a strength that I envy.

Aymless said...


And really don't those people on the other side of the pond drink tea as opposed to coffee? ^_~

Tracy said...

You should definitely be proud of the woman you are - proud and brave and steadfast.

Your comment about "I'm upset, very upset" was very funny. Thanks so much for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I cannot believe 4yrs have gone by already, mind you the last 11yrs have flown. I think you have evolved and become more outgoing and confident since I met you and you have shown just how much inner strength you have. I enjoy calling you my friend. see you soon.
Lori Berry

orannia said...


'They' (whoever they are) say that things get easier over time...I've found that things have and haven't got easier. I take each day as it comes...one step at a time. It sounds like you've made so much progress.

And I love that you found laughter in the midst of all that sorrow. I like to think that those we have lost would like us to find happiness, even if the little things. They wouldn't want us to be unhappy. *wipes away tears* GRRR! I hate leaking.

Life has never been concerned about my feelings...

You're right TP. Life just is...and sometimes it feels like you bend or you break. I'm glad you've found happiness...and Kristie, I'm sure you will too!

Kailana said...

It's hard to believe it has been four years.. I hope things continue to improve for you. :)

~ames~ said...


You sound very hopeful this year, and that's a great testament to your strength.