It was 4 years ago today that I lost Ron. This is the first time I've worked on this day - I'm at work now. I'm hoping everyone kind of leaves me alone to just do my job and go home.
At first I thought it was 3 years but then realized it was 4. How could I get that mixed up?
I think I've done pretty well. I have a life I enjoy. I've travelled and met some wonderful people, friends I knew through blogging that I've met in person now and discovered they are just as wonderful in person as they are online.
I've had the kitchen redecorated and I'm in the processes of having the outside landscaped - a bigger undertaking then I first considered, but one I'm looking forward too.
I have a job that while I have serious issues with now, at heart I love. The money is good and I am VERY fortunate that I have no real financial worries - I think that every day in these times. I even have enough to help the 'boys' out if they need it.
While I still have my mail-opening phobia - I have managed to pay bills for four years now on my own and so far I haven't got cut off from any services.
I have good friends both in my everyday life and online.
I think I've done pretty darn good on my own, even though I know Ron is having fits about the state of the house. I will never be as neat as he was.
But there is still a bone deep loneliness inside. I think that's only to be expected after living with someone almost 32 years. The hole isn't there anymore - though it's just scar tissue covering it. I'm open to meeting someone. I have sort of half signed up with a couple of online dating services if only to meet someone for a coffee or something. But I don't think I did it right. The one keeps matching me up with people in London England - and that a bit to far to travel for a coffee. The big drawback is having to post a picture of myself. I've managed to put on quite a bit of weight over the past four years - a combination of having no one to cook for, bad eating habits and a tendency to eat when depressed. I really need to work on this over this next year!! I hate the way I look so putting up a picture on an Internet dating site is out!
But I'd like to say to anyone who has lost someone dear to them, that life does go on. It's not the same as before, in some ways my life is richer, but we have a resiliency that allows us to come back from sorrow, to learn more about ourselves and to become someone different.