I'll get back to the Doing Dallas posts but this is something that happened after that I want to write down while the emotions are still fresh and tender.
Anyone who reads this even on a semi-regular basis may have picked up that I have two sons. Alas no daughters I could relate too - just strange alien males.
They are 26 and almost 29 now. I love them both equally but differently. I love them for their own selves each as different as night and day.
When they were little Ryan, the youngest, was the snuggler, the one who would hug and kiss his mama whenever I wanted/needed him too. But as he grew older and it slowly became apparent that he was the jock of the two and he was more like Ron while Brent was more like me, he slowly grew closer to his dad.
Ron and I split for a year while still working on our relationship. Ryan took it very hard. I was the one to leave and without going into detail, Ryan held some deep anger towards me and with justification I might add. Had I to do over, I would have still left for that year, but I would have done it differently. It was something I needed to do for me and when Ron and I got back together it was with a greater understanding for each other and a stronger better marriage. But Ryan didn't let go of his anger and there was a distance I couldn't seem to break through and inside I was devastated that I had lost that and always hoped we could get past it and build our mother/son relationship again. It's been slowly building since Ron's death, building one brick at a time.
Ryan was the one who picked my up at the airport when I got home. He asked if I had a good time and I started telling him about it. He said he wanted to hear all about it, but he'd left a party or something in order to pick me up and had to get back so he couldn't stay. He said he'd come back later and I could tell him all about it - once he had his earphones on because he really doesn't get my mania for romance. I said fine - that works, but I just had to tell him one thing. I'd been invited to an exclusive party Nora Roberts through. He was impressed by that since even he's heard of Nora. In fact not long ago he bought me a Nora Roberts book - just because.
Then (get out the kleenix) he asked if I had a good time and if I was planning on going to the next one in SF. I replied, yes, I think I will do that.
Then he said good, he wants me to travel and go to those conferences. It was something he didn't get but he knew how much I enjoyed it.
And then he said those magic words that make me cry.
"I'm proud of you Mom, I'm real proud of you for doing this for yourself"
(moment to recoup)
I can't begin to express how much that meant to hear that from him.
Now - to get away from weepy.
Sybil and Jane had gone to a luncheon where they were giving away cowboy hats. Neither one of them took them with them and when I asked Sybil about them, she said go ahead - take them. So I put them in my carry on luggage. When Ryan and I were driving home I routed through and pulled them out and gave him one. He put it on the dashboard of his truck. Back moment here. Ryan is always telling me about he and the ladies, how they all want his body and he's happy to oblige and that kind of thing. I think he does it to try and get me discombobulated or something, but I don't let on it doesn't work. So I thought what a hoot to turn the tables.
I picked up the cowboy hat and said "This will work great with the ladies. Keep it in the truck and they will all be wanting to try it on."
Then I told him that it would work another way. When he has one of his ladies in his bedroom, to use the cowboy hat as a prop to do a strip tease to get them going. Keep the brim down low; it's more mysterious like that and be sure to get a leather vest to go along with the outfit. And pick the right sultry country music to strip by. His ladies would love it.
He turned and looked at me and said he couldn't believe I was saying this to him.
Now - back to further posts on Doing Dallas