My inna bitch is escaping.
Now without giving TMI and who really cares anyway, I seem to be going through menopause. While so far the transition seems to be going relatively easy, night sweats and a few hot flashes notwithstanding, I seem to be doing pretty good. It’s not nearly as bad a case as others and the cessation of certain things – not to mention the money I manage to save – plus tax – that one really burns me up – is pretty good.
One of the side effects – probably helped on by my situation is a very low level of patience for what I consider bull shit.
My mama raised me with the mantra – and I’m sure I’m not the only one - “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” That became the code I lived by and I’m thinking now it’s not such a good thing. I’ve been nice all my life and I’ve bitten my tongue more times than I can count through the years. Now I’ve noticed in the past few years this ball of rage is in me – just waiting for the chance to escape.
In fact, a few years ago when the ball started to grow I decided to name it. I know scary aren’t I? I refer to this ‘alter ego’as Krisite. I came up with the name ‘cause when I type fast sometimes, I type this by mistake. It happened often enough that it just seemed natural.
Now I’ve been trying to channel Krisite into productive areas and it has worked quite well up until recently. It was Krisite some years ago that put together a package on why I should get a good-sized raise after being overlooked a couple of years in a row and darned it I didn’t end up getting one of the highest ones in the office that year. It’s Krisite that I sic on unsuspecting telemarketers and send into battle when I’ve been over charged for something. I think all of us shy retiring types need an inner Krisite. But like Genie on the old I Dream of Genie show, she doesn’t want to go back in that bottle much anymore and she is getting meaner.
It was Krisite who gave that driver behind me the finger in the mall parking lot last weekend when they honked at me for driving too slow. It was with horror that I watched that arm go out the window and that middle finger go up. I wouldn’t do something like that. It was Krisite that slowed down considerably in a no passing zone the other day on the way to work after some driver behind me ran his car right up the bumper of mine.
And it’s Krisite who wants to post really biting comments on some of the message boards I visit. In fact the other day she came so close to busting out, I had to send off a really weird message to the yahoo group I’m in to keep me from posting a real nasty “live” response. I’m sure some of them are scratching their heads going “huh? Where did this come from?” Well, it wasn’t me – it was Krisite being channelled.
I’m going to have to work on melding the two I think. I’m going to have to chuck my Mama’s old mantra out the window and accept the fact that stating an opinion, even if it’s negative is OK as long as it’s not in a nasty hurtful way.
So until I’ve integrated Krisite if anyone happens to see some shocking type reply I’ve made anywhere to what I consider a rather stupid comment, it means she got out before I could stop her, but we are working together.
Random thought of the day. I was watching Jeopardy last night and the final category was world wars. The question was: the derivative of this flower was responsible for years of war. What is it.
Aha! I got the answer 'cause I read historical romance. It was the poppy and the derivative was opium. Lots 'o' romance have mention of those wars.
‘til later
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8 comments:
I'm too nice too, I think, and I applaud you for letting your bitch out. And when I type my name too fast? "Mean." Happens all the time.
Well there you go Megan. You already have a name for her when she get stronger. And what a great name to give her.
oh there's a definite nice Jay and a definite mean Jay and sometimes its really hard to keep Mean Jay inside. More often than not she pops out before nice Jay can take control. I have to say though, I'm not particularly interested in integrating them - I like them both. :)
Good Tara/Bad Tara all depend on hormones, 3 weeks a month Bad Tara is under control, but that last week is dangerous.
There's a Nice Jen and a Nasty Jen. NJ only comes out when I am extremely p.o.'d. I keep her under lock and key most of the time, but she occasionally escapes and does Very Bad Things. As one of the guys I used to work with once said, "It scares us when Jen gets mad." Of course, that job made me miserable, so NJ was always straining to be let loose. She's not such a problem in my current job :)
Kristie-Back when my mom was first starting menopause, she found a great herbal thingamajig for the effects menopause has on you. Before she started it, she was a bit....psycho. It's called Black Kohosh and it works wonders. You might look into it. It helps with mood swings, night sweats, the whole nine yards. :) Your husband will thank you. LOL!
I hope you have a wonderful weekend. :)
Bobby calls my other side C-Rex. Scares the hell out of him. Luckily for him she only comes out about once a month for about one or two days. Lord help anyone who cuts me off on those days.
Funny thing is that I won't think twice about pulling my car over and helping an older couple get across the street so they can catch their bus. (I held up traffic to help them but no one beeped because they knew what was happening.) I deal with most things with a bit of mocking humour or sound logic (insurance company and LaZboy got both in spades!!). It is only when I realize I am dealing with stupid people that C-Rex emerges - then lookout!!
Bob, bless him, recognizes the signs that C-Rex is on her way and usually gets me out of whatever situation I am about to implode in. Good man.
That said, I'm not menopausal. Just bitchy ;)
Oh, my parents always said, 'children are meant to be seen, not heard'. They have regretted that since the day I turned 18. I haven't shutup since and there are things they just don't like to hear coming out of my mouth. Too bad!!
CindyS
It's more disconcerting than anything else. After being nice all my life and not saying what I want to a lot of times, I'm trying to find a balance.
And Kaitlin - I have thought of taking the herbal route, but it's really not that bad yet (and hopefully won't be). And it's not so much mood swings - I'm fine with Ron and other people, work and the people there are fine - it's more like intense impatience with stuff I find is bullshit (see Krisite uses that word). And having a Krisite is a good thing to have. I just have to make sure she is tempered somewhat.
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