Monday, June 04, 2007

And you probably thought I was running out of reasons

why I will never be a dog owner

I spent a lot of time with my sisters in the last 9 days. This also meant I spent a lot of time with Arthur the Dog. Yep – you know it – even more reasons I will never be a dog owner.

#118 House Damage

I give you this picture as an illustration. You see, Arthur the Dog loves people riding by on bikes. He loves to try a get them. I already had such an experience when I was dog sitting. But this time Arthur the Dog was inside when the bike rode by. And he tried to get outside. He tried to go through my gender neutral side screen door. The door that the boys bought the boy door for and is now sitting useless in my basement, the non-returnable because Ryan used the hardware. The screen held him - kind of. But Arthur is a rather big dog. Now it looks like more repairs needs to be done to the gender neutral door.

#100 – Dog Walking
This should almost have it’s own sub-set of reasons.

Arthur the Dog is good when he passes dogs smaller than him. But when he passes dogs the same size, he turns into a combination Tasmanian Devil, Whirling Dervish and Maniac Dog in his efforts to get loose and say hi. When walking Arthur the Dog, one must always be on the look-out for those other dogs who will bring out the animal in Arthur. It’s truly a frightening thing.

#304 – Dog Greetings
Why, oh why, oh why do dogs greet each other by sniffing butts? I’m rather a private person, and to have the dog I’m walking go up and casually aim for the crotch, butt or whatever he is aiming for can be rather embarrassing. Lisa and I were walking Arthur the Dog when he decided to approach a small, cute beagle. The beagle was tied up in front of his house and the owners had visitors, a whole porch full of visitors.. Arthur the Dog went STRAIGHT for the other dogs nether parts. I jokingly said to all the people on the porch that aren’t we all glad we don’t greet strangers that way, hah hah, but on the inside I was thinking “damned embarrassing dog!”

#28 – Breaking established patterns
I said that Arthur the dog was good with dogs smaller than him. Well, unfortunately that doesn’t always hold true. I was taking Arthur the Dog out for a walk on his home turf the other night when the sisters had gone out – yes it was that walk. I spied a smaller dog in the distance and tried to turn around but Arthur the Dog spied him to and refused to be turned. I didn’t worry too much though – since as I said, it’s never been an issue – until that night that is. When we got close, the small dog in question was a Rotweiller puppy. Arthur the Dog went for his customary ‘sniff the butt’ greeting but the puppy didn’t want to have any part of that! He snapped at Arthur the Dog (and can’t say as I blame him) and Arthur went nuts and tried to eat the puppy’s head. I’m trying to grab Arthur, the owner is trying to grab his puppy and I realize that I’ve wrapped the dog leash around the old man owner and I was squishing him trying to get Arthur the dog to stop his antics and face eating attempts. I t was quite a scene, me squishing an old man with a dog leash, yelling at Arthur, the old man picking up his puppy and almost swinging him in the air to get away from Arthur. When we finally broke free and the old man, maimed but breathing hurried away, I was so upset at Arthur the Dog, I just wanted to go back. Trying to hurry, I tripped over the cord and landed flat down on my back, right in front of Lisa’s single fire fighter neighbour’s house. I picked myself up and hurried back to Lisa’s and put Arthur the Dog in his dog run that we call The Art Gallery. That was my final walk with Arthur the dog.

When Lisa asked the next night who wanted to go for a walk with her and Arthur the Dog, I gently declined

'til later


Mailyn said...

LMAO!!!! I get a kick out your reasons for not owning a dog and I must say, as a dog owner, I know how you feel! They can be insane. LOL.

P.S. It's Candyass time! Go check it out. It will take your mind off of Arthur. ~_^

CindyS said...

I was looking at the evidence picture and couldn't see anything wrong. The I blew it up and laughed my ass off. Luckily none of my dogs have done that!

My aunt's dog did it to my gram's screen door only she brought in the entire door. It was lightning and thundering out and my aunt was trying to show her there was nothing to be afraid of. Yeah right. The door wore a screen door for a necklace that night! Again, I was a brat and laughed like a loon ;)

I believe I have mentioned the stop sign incident - I had to wrap my arms around the sign so the dogs wouldn't get to the person with their dalmation. The woman actually asked if she should take her dog back into her house. Nah. It's all good. I normally have blood coursing down my arms. I was so pissed I didn't walk the dogs together for years. Only one at a time.


nath said...

LOL :D I love your reasons and it really makes me think about getting a dog LOL :D

Jenster said...

LOL, Kristie!!

Anonymous said...

LMAO!! Kristie you must write a book about Arthur!! I have tears rolling down my face and my stomach hurts from laughing. I can see it all.

ReneeW said...

I don't think that door will be screening out any bugs this summer :)
LOL, Arthur is quite a handful. You are too funny :) Makes me appreciate my cat.

Kristie (J) said...

Renee: A few days with Arthur the Dog and I appreciate Zina so much better too!!!

Janice: He sure does make for some interesting stories that's for sure!!

Jenster: I can laugh later too - but at the time of all these incidents - let's just say my dog tolerance has just about reached its limits!

Nath: Ummmm - have you been reading these? And you WANT a dog after my adventures with Arthur??????? LOL - I have 2 words - Doggy Diareha

Mailyn: I did check out your pics. And mighty mighty fine they were!

Cindy: You make me glad he didn't take the whole door. Of course - then I could buy a nice girl door - and charge Lisa - heh heh