If I were the Writer, Director, Producer, Make-up Artist, Set Designer, Music Person etc.
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I can't believe I just did this
Some readers may be totally shocked at this post by a 50-something, widowed blogger, I know I sure am, but I thought either I’ll get no response because everyone is so shocked, or a whole bunch. It will be interesting to see which.
There is a bunch of us reader bloggers who have been emailing each other over the past couple of days. As we are all readers who like some our romance on the wild and spicy side, before too long, the subject of P0rn M0vies came up – I think by me – yep I do have a wild side.
I’ve watched them before – not on a regular basis – but certainly on occasion late at night when I can sleep in the next day. While they can be a turn on – more often than not, I find them frustrating.
Maybe it’s because there is no ‘romance’ in them. Call me old fashioned but unless there are deep feelings between the couple, it’s just clinical and well – boring. There was one I watched one time that had an actual story to it. The ‘heroine’ – and I’m not really sure I should use that term – but I can’t think of another one – was a writer. She wrote bawdy historical romance and the movie would flash to what she was writing. The story was about a happily married couple – very happily married if you get my drift. The husband however went off to war – or something like that – it was a while ago that I saw it. The wife thought he was dead but it turned out he wasn’t. It was quite the reunion let me tell you.
But if I were the writers, I’d give a storyline something like that to the movie, something romantic, not just mindless, no point boffing.
If I made the movie, I would FORCE the actresses to remove 90% of the gunk they wear on their faces. I know this sounds grandmotherly of me, though I don’t have any grandchildren, or at least I’d make it so they don’t look so Very Slutty and Terribly, Terribly Skanky. The thick eyeliner simply has to go! I’d like to see them more natural looking.
What is it with the wearing of the shoes? They all seem to keep these spiky high heels on the whole time, during the entire scenes. What would be wrong with they guy taking them off ? It would have to be in a sexy kind of way though.
If I made the movie, I’d have the camera pulled back further and take longer shots. I don’t know about anyone else, but the Very Close close-ups are just way eewwwhhh. Also, I have more face shots instead of just lower body shots. I’d like to see their expressions, their bliss.
I would also have NO STARING at the camera. None at all. That is just stupid and pointless really.
This may sound awful, but if I made the movies, I would only have attractive people star in them. I saw one once that had a really old skinny guy. I had to wash the eyeballs out with bleach after that let me tell you. Of course I turned it off as soon as I clued in what was going to happen – but still *shudder*. And of course they would have to be able to ACT. In my director role, acting would be my number one priority.
And as Lighting Director, I would have the lighting much dimmer. The ones I’ve seen are way to bright. Lower would be ever so much better. I think I’d use a filter too. Not that I know anything about lighting or filtering, but I think it would be better.
And if there were more than two people involved, I would have more M/M/F. Seems there is a lot of F/F/M – but let’s face it – these ones would be for women.
I would have a beginning, not just start right into things if you get my drift, a middle and an end. There would be a Point to the movie, a tale to tell as it were.
I don’t know if I’ll have the nerve to actually hit Publish Post on this particular post. I emailed Kate about what I was thinking of doing a post on and asked if she wanted to contribute. She thought it a very fun idea. So this is my half. I will leave it in draft and see is she hits that Publish Post. If she does – should prove very interesting I think.
Since I was the one who actually started the massive email train, I guess I should add my $.02 cents to this risque topic. And why not? It fits in with my recent post about my friend who thinks romances are only read so the reader can get their rocks off.
The first time I saw those naughty movies was when I was nineteen and joined a sorority. At my college, we didn't have individual sorority or fraternity houses, but instead, we lived on individual floors in our dorms. One side of the floor was my sorority and the other side of the floor was a fraternity. And that is were I received my education in p0rn.
Up to this point, my sexual education outside of school and listening to friends talk about their boyfriends were in the romances I read. The sex scenes in those books were filled with fireworks and the first time in the sack blew both the hero and heroine's minds. I didn't even really know about certain other sexual acts that now seems like second nature in the year 2008 and really thought the missionary position was the only way to go. Back door loving? Using a mouth in other ways besides kissing a mouth? Shocking!
Then one night a few boys came over and started movie night And my sexual education grew to leaps and bounds! I saw all the classics from Deep Throat, to Debbie Does Dallas and some movies where I wanted to bleach my eyes out after watching. Beware the amateur porn where a hot tub is used! Some scenes I watched did make me tingly, but overall I was bored by the whole process. I wanted romance damn it and in these movies it was just the act that mattered. Perhaps it was the constant looping and bad audio that turned me off also.
But, there is one such movie that is so well known, more as soft porn, that will make anyone sigh because the plot, characters and the sex are too good for words. I am talking about the 1986 cult classic, Nine 1/2 Weeks. This is the ultimate erotic masterpiece. Nine 1/2 Weeks is an erotic romance novel come to life and made me hotter than any other hardcore p0rn I had watched. This movie had something to it that hardcore p0rn movies are missing.
Just like the romance books I devour, I want a story that I can sink my teeth into and great chemistry between the hero and heroine. I am not going to lie, but I also want a sex scene that I could possible "get my jollies off" and even more so. It all comes down to the story and an equal balance. I am sorry to say p0rn does not have that equal balance. I think this industry is still geared towards men and they believe women are just along for the ride, so to speak, whenever their partner wants to watch some to get in the mood. If only they made more movies geared toward a female audience, much like the romance novels we read.
My final thoughts on p0rn? Meh, give me a good old romance novel any day. *G*
(and it was me - KristieJ that hit Publish Post - yep, I did it)