The Cable Guy

This is an actual email I sent to a friend this morning. All names have been changed to protect the innocent.

"Yesterday morning when I left for work there were men swarming all over our backyard. No, it wasn't good looking police officers looking for some escaped criminal. They are doing some rewiring for hydro or something and our house seems to be their "home base" (which freaks Durwood{my husband} out let me tell you). They have these huge bundles of wire on our boulevard and asked if they could leave some of their equipment in our backyard over night.
Now on to the story.
When I got home from work last night, I turned on the computer - always the first thing I do 'cause it's old and takes a while. I ate the Happy Meal I picked up from McDonalds and then went to the computer and went to the internet. I couldn't connect. Damn I thought. Dexter (our oldest son who still lives at home) been to "those" places again and messed things up somehow. I rebooted and tried again. Still no internet. Damn I thought again. Well I'll try again later. So off to the TV I went in order to look into taping something on the VCR. NO CABLE. Auuuggghhhh I screamed.
I called the cable company and off course got the dreaded "voicemail" thing. No help. I waited a little bit longer, tried the internet, still nothing so I called another cable technical number. Finally, finally I got hold of a real person and explained the situation. Somehow, he could tell it was just our house that didn't have cable.
The following is our conversation.
Cable Guy: Just a minute and I'll see if I can get someone out there now to fix it.

pause

Cable Guy: Sorry, but there is no one available until first thing tomorrow morning.
Me: Are you sure? You don't understand the situation. My husband and son both work nights and I'm home all by myself (Kristie you idiot, you didn't really say that did you? - yes)
Cable Guy: I'm sorry, I did try.
Me: No but you really don't understand. It's Tuesday.
Cable Guy: Um hum.
Me: Tuesday. That means American Idol and the Amazing Race are on and I can't watch them.
Cable Guy: Um hum.
Me: But I'm here by myself and I can't even go on the internet!
Cable Guy: no, you wouldn't have the internet either
Me: But I have to have either one!
Cable Guy: well maybe you could watch a movie instead.
Me: But I don't want to watch a movie. I want to watch the Amazing Race. I have someone taping AI for me but she doesn't watch the Amazing Race.
Cable Guy: There must be some movie you could watch. And there will be someone there first thing tomorrow morning. Or maybe you could go to a neighbor's.
Me: My neighbors aren't home. I already thought of that.
Cable Guy: Maybe they keep a key under their mat and you could go in and watch and then slip out quietly.
Me: (after thinking about it for a moment) No, I don't think I could do that.
Cable Guy: Well, that's too bad. But it will be fixed tomorrow.
Me: But that doesn't help me tonight. Sigh, I suppose I can find an old movie to watch.
Cable Guy: Well there you go then. Good night and sorry I couldn't have been of more service
Me:Yes, well thank you. (I always have this habit of thanking people when I get bad news.)
Cable Guy thinking to himself. Boy I sure get all kinds.
During this conversation, I didn't raise my voice or anything and he was very nice too. It was just very frustrating.So, I'm really hoping you did tape AI. I was kind of joking when I Said about you taping it, but the fates must have known. You have to come through for me here Gladys. How did they do on AI and who lost on the Amazing Race and anything good happen on Judging Amy? "


If "Gladys" happens to read this, she will know who she is. Thankfully I heard back from her and she did tape American Idol and (bonus) Judging Amy. And my sister taped The Amazing Race.
And today our cable an internet is working. I didn't watch a movie last night. Instead I washed my underwear.