Tuesday, January 02, 2007

I found this bereavement web site a while ago for people who have lost someone close to them, a friend, a pet, a family member or a spouse. There is a message board there too and I've posted a couple of times. I saw this mentioned - a crash and burn state. That's what I've experienced a few times over the holidays. Christmas was pretty good - I went to my sisters for a few days. And New Years was OK too. I went back to my sisters and somehow we missed New Years. We were watching a movie and before we knew it, it was 12:20. But when I get home, things have been hitting and - well, I crash and burn. I got a call yesterday from an uncle we don't keep in touch with much. He is my mother's brother and since my mother died and he and his family live in another city I barely hear from him - my fault also. We were never that close growing up although I do remember having good times with my cousins who are around my age. When my uncle called me yesterday it was the first time I had heard from him in 5 years. He asked how Ron and the boys were. That threw me for a loop.
Then today I had to take the car in for some repairs. We have taken the car in for quite a while now so they have them all on record. The mechanic showed me the screen to tell him which car it was that I was bringing in and I saw Ron's name and his car. I told him that he could take that one off since my husband had passed away and my son now owned the car. I was looking at my excel spreadsheet after the Queen of Excel updated it for me and noticed that I'd only read 38 books in 2006. I kept thinking that couldn't be right. Surely I had read a lot more that that!!! But then I remembered why I hadn't.
And I crashed and burned.
I try to keep myself almost frantically busy, but sometimes, when I have a quiet moment, it all comes rushing back and I'm not sure I can get past the next 10 minutes because of the pain.
I've signed up for a grief support group for people who have lost a spouse but it doesn't start until the end of January some time. I think that is part of the problem sometimes. I don't know anyone who has lost a husband or wife. I lost both my parents so I know what it's like losing someone you love, but losing Ron is different. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He wasn't supposed to leave me all alone. We were supposed to grow old together. We had been through the bad times and while we still argued and disagreed at times - still we loved each other. I could count on him being there when I needed him. He would take care of things like the car. The reason I had to take it in was because the turn signals weren't working and it ended up costing me $150. I don't know if they ripped me off or not. Ron would have known that kind of thing. When I got a call out of the blue from a relative, I could tell him all about it and tell him stories about when we were kids instead of having to tell my uncle that Ron had passed away.
I know I owe some people some e-mails. And I will answer - I promise. I just have to get past this current bad time.


farmwifetwo said...

I'm just going to tell you, you aren't alone. I have been following another blog for some time.. and I debated posting it... and... I don't know.. if you wish the link I'll give it to you.... but they are dealing with the same thing. I don't know if it'll upset you more or help.

Hopefully, your support group helps. It's unfortunate it's a month away before you can talk to them. The best I can offer is a cyber hug.

Hoping you are feeling better soon.

P.s. Got Fever Dreams tonight from the library... we'll see what I think of it....


nath said...

Courage Kristie! You've been doing so well, so don't give up :D We're here and always here for you!

Nicole said...

*hugs* Kristie. You're stronger than you think, so don't give up. And we'll always be here to listen when you need us.

Bookwormom said...

I'm sorry I've not dropped by much over the holidays Kristie. I've been lurking, but haven't had as much time to post everywhere I'd like to. You're in my thoughts & prayers.

Kristie said...

It is only to be expected. You will have your good days and your bad... and soon, there will be more good than bad. Hopefully your support group will help, and just know that many people have you in their thoughts and prayers.

CindyS said...

I've thought of you often over the holidays and I'm sorry we couldn't find a time to get together.

I know you are doing the right thing in finding other people who are going what you are going through. You have been toughing it out alone and I have worried. Hold on tight. We're all here to listen.

Hugs and prayers.

Love Cindy

Mina Wolf said...

I think you deserve days to crash and burn if you need them. You're doing great.

Nikki said...

I glad you found a support group where you can talk to people going through the same thing as you are.


We are here for you.

You're doing just what you need to be doing. This one the hardest things that us humans have to go through. Just keep on, keeping on.

Holly said...

Aww, babe. I'm so sorry. I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling. But I'm here if you need anything.

I'm sorry your support group doesn't begin until the end of the month.

I don't have any experience with this kind of thing, but I would imagine that it's more than perfectly normal to go through the "crash and burn". Again, if you need anything, just let me know.


Wendy said...

There's no magic potion or "easy button" for dealing with grief. Everyone deals with it in their own way, in their own time. There will be days were you feel pretty good, and days where you just want to curl up in the fetal position and weep.

Your loss is still fresh Kristie. It takes time to heal, and I think the support group is a very good idea....

Merlin said...


You don't know me and I don't know you : I just found my way over here from Holly's blog.

Anyway, a big hug from the UK.

If it helps I know how you feel : I lost my wife just over 4 years ago. Things really do get better with time.

Best wishes,


Kristie (J) said...

Merlin: Actually I do feel like I know you better than you know me. I've seen your delicious posts at Holly's. My husband died in August after an almost year long bout with cancer so I had that time to almost kind of prepare, but you don't - not really. For the most part I'm handling things alright, but I do have times when even the next five minutes seems impossible to get through. And thank you very much for stopping by and for the hug. We're kind of alike aren't we - the ones left behind to try and figure out how to deal with the pain.

Merlin said...


In my wifes case it was nearly 2 years battling with cancer : eventually she just gave up because she couldn't face any more chemo-therapy and I guess I kind of went along with it becaues I couldn't face any more of it either.

Yes - I was prepared. 2 years gives you plenty of time to say everything you need to say to each other and I had an 11 year old daughter at the time (now 16) who needed a Dad so there was no question of me quitiing and taking up drinking or something.
(Been down that road in my twenties anyway).

It really does take time but I promise you that you'll wake up one day and find that the sun's shining again. It always does.