I don't do resolutions, but.......

I think I mentioned not long ago that I found this really terrific message board for grief and loss. A lot of women there who had lost their husband/partner had bad times over the holidays so now they have started posting about what they are grateful for. I did a list and this is mine:

1) I'm grateful that I had 31 years with Ron. Although we had our struggles and even split up for a year (during which we dated - each other *g*) I'm grateful I got to know this complicated, loving, intriguing man

2) I'm grateful for my faith that has kept me from becoming bitter about his death. I'm grateful that because of that faith, I know we aren't 'done' yet and I will see Ron again when it's my time to join him

3) I'm grateful for our sons. And I'm grateful they both live in the same city as I do. I'm grateful that they both love me and check up on me at least once a week. And I'm grateful that my relationship with my youngest son which was badly strained when I left his dad for that year, is much better.

4) I'm grateful for my parents who are both gone now; that they gave me such a legacy of love and laughter. And that the love and laughter helped me help Ron when he was going through his illness. That even though we knew he was probably going to die, that I could offer him the strength that was passed to me from my parents.

5) I'm grateful that Ron left me pretty well off. He kept delaying vacations and things until he retired. He never made it. And while I would trade every single penny if I could have him back again, I don't have to worry about money on top of the pain of his loss.

6) I'm grateful for my sister Lisa. She has been there for me in a way I can't thank her enough for. There were a few times I would call her at 4:00 in the morning or earlier - totally lost and helpless - and she would get right up and drive the 40 minutes to come and hold me or help me or do whatever needed to be done. She stayed at the hospital all 14 hours when I had to take Ron to emergency and supported my decision to take him home after those 14 hours when they couldn't even tell me how long it would be before he could be admitted. She sat with me as I watched Ron leave this earth and she continues to be the first person I call when I'm suffering a breakdown. No one could have a better support person than my sister has been for me.

7) I'm grateful for my friends – my friends in person and my friends I have met on-line. Ron and I didn't have friends as a couple. He was a very private person who didn't feel that comfortable around people so over the years I developed my own network of friends. They have been wonderfully supportive for me.

8) I'm grateful that I have my own good health at the moment. It's something I will never take for granted.

9) I'm grateful that my sons seem to be developing a relationship with each other apart from me. My own sisters are also my best friends. I would love to see that happen between my sons. There were times when they were small I didn't think they would ever get along, and that really bothered me.

10) Again I'm grateful for Ron. That he asked me to dance, that he married me when I proposed to him, that he went without sex when I was so sick when I was pregnant with our oldest son and took up golfing instead, that we had so many years together, that we overcame our differences, that I have so many wonderful memories of him to make me smile, to make me laugh, to make me cry and to comfort me when I'm feeling so lost without him.

Anone else want to make a grateful list?

'til later