Wednesday, November 11, 2009

It's that time again






Yep – I’ve been saving the best of my junk mail. I don’t know if I can make a story out of it, but I can offer some replies.


Spegal Patrick says to “Watch Weed Growing on-line.”

Well, Spegal Patrick, as exciting as that sounds, I don’t have a whole season to watch something as thrilling as watching weeds grow on-line. And I can't help but wonder if you refer to weeds like dandilions and the like or the "other" kind of weed.


Chris at sirc says “their heads are green and their hands are blue”.

Oh Noes!!! EEEEEEKKKK There are aliens amongst us. Good thing we will be able to tell who they are with those green and blue colours they have going. I wonder if they are scaly though. You don't say in the subject line.


Lilly Chaddick says “What’s with my message to you”

How the hell should I know? And don't you think you are taking a rather antagonistic tone considering you sent me the email?


Delia Schaper says “Successful Wannabe?”

Delia, I’m thinking you must be a tad confused. If one is a wannabe, then they aren’t successful ‘cause if they are successful, then they aren’t a wannabe.


Shelby Montes says “I wait for your letter to me.”

Shelby, I’m sad to say this but you will be waiting for a long time. I don’t know you and since you are in my junk mail, I’m not going to send you a letter.


Sharell Loeza says “You now have my endorsement”

I’m not sure what it’s for. I hope you don’t mean if I run for office for something. You obviously don’t know my loathing for all things political. Chances are Very Good I won't be running for any kind of office.


Nabb Bertram says “My dear, pass me details.”

Mr. Bertram, my dear, do you know how condescending you sound? I don’t think I will pass you the details. And besides – details of what?


Nakisha Garces asks “Were you in classroom?”

Nakisha, chances are.......... no. It’s been a long time since I was in classroom. Mind you, I’ve taken a couple of creative writing courses, but your name doesn’t ring a bell.


Gestar at 01 says “Less live than specks in that sun shafts turn.”

I have no idea what you just wrote.


Brooking says “better copulating is real”

Hmm, does that mean poor copulating is false? I think most of us have had at least one not so great copulation but that didn’t make it less real. Now if you had said more fun - I could see it.


Weston says “Cheers”

Well cheers to you too Weston!!


Rheindl at telekom says “And bells, and buttons, and loops, and lace”

That makes about as much sense as what Gestar wrote to me.


Cunninghamthadan at bellsouth says “I thought about Mr”

Now this one does have me curious – not curious enough to open an email that went to my spam bin, but I do wonder who Mr’s last name is and what you thought about him. Naughty thoughts perhaps???


Jon.d.ma says “But what shall we do for a ring?”

I don’t know!!!! Do they still have them in boxes of Cracker Jacks? Come to think of it though I haven't seen a box of Cracker Jacks since I don’t remember when. (And now I have that theme song playing in my head - thanks.) How about a gumball machine?


Amos Juarez says “You will like the quality of our soft, but moreover you will like the prices.”

Soft what, I wonder. Pillows? Sheets? Kittens? Porn? The mind boggles at what.


Sal Kaburee says “read carefully and reply.”

Ah, no.


Roland Laskoski says “Time to join.”

Roland, it would be helpful to know time to join what. That’s just a bit too vague for me I’m afraid.


And now that I've had me some fun, I can delete it all again.

5 comments:

Jessica W. (Book Bound) said...

~cracks up~ These are too funny Kristie! I LOATHE spam...but after reading this, I have a new found appreciation for it. : D

Jessica W. - Book Bound

Kristie (J) said...

Jessica: I've found you can't beat it so the next best thing is to make fun of it :)

Barbara said...

LOL! You get better SPAM than I do!

Katie Mack said...

What Barbara said. None of my spam is nearly this interesting.

C2 said...

I too haz spam envy! Well, not really, but nothing I get is nearly this intriguing. :-D