Thursday, June 22, 2006

It's late at night and I having one of those times when I don't want to go to bed because then I'll start thinking about things. I've been off work for a week now. Ron doesn't have much time left; I can tell. He mostly sleeps and when he isn't sleeping, we just sit quietly together. He's taking massive amounts of pain medication and it makes him very tired.
The baseball game is coming up on Sunday but I don't think we will be able to make it. I can't explain how my heart breaks for Ron that he probably can't go. He loves baseball and he loves the Jays. After the game, the team he has helped coach will be playing in Rogers Centre. This would be a dream come true for him. He's been a baseball coach for over 20 years now; coached both our boys for years, and for him to coach third - well it would be indescribable to him. But it's a 2 hour drive there and then the Jays and the Mets play. Then it's his teams turn to play and then a 2 hour drive home. It's an effort for him to even get dressed now. If we do go, I know that this will take everything he has left out of him.
I told the boys on Fathers day how little time there is left. I found out a while ago but Ron doesn't want to know. But I felt I had to tell them so they could spend time with him.
When I think about things, the pain is indescribable so for the most part I don't think. But every so often, like tonight, it catches me unawares.
I have loved this man for 32 years now. I fell in love with him the night I met him and that has never wavered. We've had rough times; I think every marriage has, we even split up for a year, but we worked through things.
He is my love and my friend and my anchor and I don't know what I'm going to do without him.

Blogging and reading are what's keeping me sane these days - and keeping my mind busy. I'm having a hard time with emails though. I just don't seem to have the words a lot of the times for those. So any that I owe - be patient. I read them all and they really do help so very much - but my replying part is a little tricky. Some days even breathing is hard.


Lori said...

((((Kristie)))) Sending big virtual hugs to you. I hope that you can take some comfort from your huge circle of online friends and those that I'm sure are right there next to you.

ReneeW said...

Oh, hon, I'm so sorry. Going to the game sounds like a huge mountain to climb at this point. Maybe a friend could go and videotape it for him. You're in my prayers. (((hugs))) Take care.

CW said...

Aw, Kristie. Hugs!

Tara Marie said...

I am so sorry, please know that your friends are with you everyday, with virtual hugs and hand holding. Thoughts and prayers always.

Valeen said...

((HUGS)) I am so sorry!

My aunt and uncle did this in April ... drove the 15 hours to Toronto to watch the Blue Jays play ... while he was extremely sick with cancer, he was in his last weeks. They were highly advised against doing so by the doctors but my aunt now says she's very glad that she was able to give him that last trip to do something he loved.

Marg said...

Kristie, you have my thoughts and prayers with you and Ron and your family.

Devon said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you, Ron and your kids. Take good care of yourself!

ames said...

I think you're a very strong woman. You and Ron are in my thoughts. I hope you and your family really appreciate the time left with each other.

Sue said...


You know that all of your Fanshawe girls are right there with you. You know that we will be with you every step of the way. We are all praying for both you and Ron and can only hope you will both find peace.

Love to both of you.

Avid Reader said...


Wish I could say something to make things better..what I will say is that I'm praying that you stay strong and have peace. That's all I can ever ask for is the strength to deal with life's challenges and face whatever the future may bring. I pray for that everyday.


Holly said...

Oh Sweetie. I just don't have any words. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

I don't have any advice about the game except go with what feels right.


Y'all are still in my thoughts and prayers!

Dylan said...


It's funny how I was thinking about you last night, we had family prayer and while my brother was saying the prayer, I thought about you, because I haven't been to your blog in a while and I wondered how Ron was doing. So last night, I said a prayer for you and Ron. I had some time so I came over to check up on you and I'm so sorry about the things you're going through right now, you're a very strong person and I admire your strength.

Big Hugs!

Mailyn said...

oh god, I had no idea and I'm trully sorry you are going through this.

even though I am not religious, I will ask my mom, who is, to pray for you and Ron.

I wish there was something more we could all do. we are here if you need us.

Wendy said...

Oh Krisite - I was really hoping the game was going to be possible for you guys. I know how much it meant to you for Ron to have that experience.

Hugs to you girlfriend.

Megan Frampton said...


I am glad you are with Ron, I am sure it is very hard (just like breathing is hard), but I am glad you have blogging and reading to take your mind off things for a little bit. And you have a loving community out here, even if our hugs are only virtual.

CindyS said...


I pray and think of you and Ron daily. Lots of hugs.


Giselle said...

My heart breaks for you. I pray for you both and I hope that you're surrounded by the love and support of your family and friends. Much love to you and Ron.

sybil said...

(((((((hugs to you)))))))))

you know where we are if you need us... Is it possible to stay over somewhere instead of driving back after the game?

I hope you got some rest hon, as always you two are in my thoughts.

romancelover said...

My heart and prayers still go out to you.
- Daniela

Anonymous said...

It's not knowing when it's time that makes it hard, and it's hard not wanting to let him go when it's easy to see it's time to let him go, but it's hard not to say please stay when it's better to say go now if he feels it's time. Being in limbo is probably the worst bit of everything now. My thoughts are with you, Ron and your family. M xx

Dance Chica said...


I'm very sorry you're going through this. Please take care and know that you have friends here ready to lend support. I will be keeping you, Ron, and your family in my thoughts.


Nicole said...

*hugs* You've been in my thoughts a lot lately. I can't imagine what you're going through.

ag said...

So sorry to hear that Kristie. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Ron.


Alyssa said...

Oh, Kristie. I'm sorry for what you and your family is going through. Don't worry about catching up on e-mail. We understand and are sending good thoughts your way.