Ramblings

So - I had my first appointment with the therapist yesterday morning. I wasn't sure how it would go after a ghastly beginning. You see the appointment was for 8:00 in the morning - it was going to be an hour and I didn't start work until 10:00. It would take about half an hour to get there - going through downtown traffic and only having a general idea of the building. I set my alarm clock for 5:45 since I don't really like too move to fast in the morning and I like to do blog hopping while drinking my morning tea. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that I had set it to go off at 5:45 PM!! I woke up and glanced at the clock and did a huge Yikes, followed by a loud 'SHIT!' (yes - at times when the occasion calls for it, I do use curse words - heh heh heh)
It was 7:05!! That gave me 25 minutes to get ready and get out the door. Since I'm a morning shower person, I knew I didn't have time for the whole shower thing but I had a severe case of bed head - that's what using wax in hair can cause!
But - I did make it in time. Mind you I felt grungy and blechy from not having my morning shower - not the way you want to feel when having one's psyche examined.

Blechy = not good.

But it actually went very well - very well indeed. She seems to think it's my anti-anxiety, anti-depression medication that's gone out of whack. She says the one I'm taking is quite an older one and they have come up with quite a few new ones in the past few years. She wants me to go see a head doctor and try something different and then come back when I'm back in whack. She said if anti-depression medication works - it works real well, but if it's not effective it can actually make the problem worse.

She did a depression test and the results were I was slightly depressed. I didn't want to argue with her - but I consider it more then slightly - a lot more than slightly actually. Then she asked when my last physical was and I said I didn't remember and she replied that I need to get one I slightly freaked out. You see - I know this, but knowing and doing are two different kettles of fish. I said I would (and I will) when I'm not so off kilter.

I told her all kinds of stuff - about losing my husband a couple of years ago - she seemed quite impressed that we were married for almost 32 years; about losing my job a couple of years ago and how I truly believe that Ron sent me to where I'm working now as his way of still reaching out and taking care of me. I told her about the trouble I've gotten into at work due to my considerable case of pack-rat-itis and how I feel like I'm being punished and she told me to look at it a different light - that they have recognized my 'issues' and are trying to make things easier (which they are - but it still feels like punishment).

I told her all about Krisite - my alter ego and she seemed quite amused. She asked me if I could have anything in the world - what would I want most. I told she would probably think I really was a mental case - but I told her what I want most in the world is a REALLY, REALLY great kiss with a lot of tongue work - 'cause it is quite honestly. After she finished laughing, she said a lot of women want that kind of thing - although she didn't put it in quite those terms. Men seem to want to skip the preliminaries and get straight to the main course - but the idiots don't seem to understand that by NOT skipping the preliminaries, the main course will be ever so much richer - if you get my drift.

And then she said something that for some reason made me feel really good - and I'm still feeling good. She said I was adorable. She said it more than once in fact. I don't know why that made me feel so good but it did. I was telling a friend at work later what she had said and my friend said 'well, you are.' And I don't know - that made me feel even better. Maybe because I tend to focus on the negative aspects on me and not the positive a lot of the time.

And since this post is titled ramblings and that's what I'm doing, I'm going back a couple of paragraphs - back to the kissing thing. Goodness knows I loved Ron - still do and always will - but I have to dock points for his lack of attention to this detail. He just wasn't that into it. He didn't care for it and I always got the feeling when he did kiss me, he was just 'humouring' me. And since I've been pondering on this part of the conversation yesterday and what I want most in the world, I've been pondering on the best kiss I ever had. I was 17 or 18 - 17 I think and I met this guy. Sadly I don't remember his name. We didn't really date or anything but he was the first guy to give me a slip of the tongue and Oh Mama was it wonderful. He was a couple of years older than me and man oh man could that guy kiss like a dream!! Talk about wet panties!! Not that he knew about mine - we didn't go that far or anything. But it was wet - but not too wet - and deep - but not too deep and luscious - oh so very luscious. And I'm thinking how sad is it that the best kiss I ever had happened when I was 17 and a mere babe; that the height of my kissing came before I even hit my 20's. Damn, but that's not right :-) So if there are any guys reading this (snort - as if) my advice it to go home 0r if you are at home - just kiss your woman damn it!!

The therapist asked me what I wanted to get most out of counseling and I told her not to feel this way, to get over my pack-rat-itis and to be able to open mail. In a follow-up to the mail thing, I got a call from my neighbour across the street this morning and she said - very nicely - that I might want to check my mail box as there was a large package in there. See - in that area I'm getting worse. Not only am I not opening it - I'm not even checking for mail. Yikes!!!!