So – you may have noticed I’ve been somewhat absent lately. Depression has raised it’s ugly head again and I’ve been battling it – sometimes it’s been winning – sometimes I have been. I really do need to do some more research into so I can at least try and get a handle on when it will hit because that is one of the most frustrating things. I just don’t know when it will raise its ugly head. I think this time work has been the culprit. We have been going through major changes and while I’m pretty good at handling change overall, this has been particularly difficult. They have taken away most of the previous work we used to do – work I enjoyed doing – and as yet haven’t replaced it. I come in knowing I have almost nothing to do for the day. This trips into a number of things, my need to be busy, my overblown sense of guilt that I’m coming into work and getting paid for doing nothing. And I’ve been yanked around like a yo-yo as to when I will get the training I need to do the new workload. Add to the fact that I’m still dealing with the issue that so bothered me before and after the first few years of loving coming to work – it’s the opposite now. I’m finding that a hard adjustment.
The thing about depression is it’s so silent. Looking back it was obviously creeping up, but it wasn’t until it hit me full force on Monday, when I just couldn’t make it to work, that I realized it had ‘got’ me again. I hate when that happens.
So I did some major retail therapy on the way home the other night!! There were 2 sofas or couches in the basement rec room along with 2 chairs. They are old, old, old and for a while now I’ve wanted to get rid of them and get something else. My soon to be visitor is a major impetus for getting me moving on fixing things up. But I didn’t have anyone who could remove them until I helped my friend move and it turns out her movers do all kinds of odd jobs – including junk removal. They came over last night to get rid of the stuff and a funny happened. I didn’t get a chance to totally clean the room up and there was a huge spill over from the ‘library’, all romance books of course. When he asked if I liked romance, I stood proudly and answered yep – what was your first clue in a laughing kind of voice.
“Well, cause that’s me on the cover.” He answered pointing to one particular beefcake cover. I thought that was a riot as well, he was kind of cute (and a happily married new father) he certainly wasn’t the ‘beefcake’ kind of looking.
My ‘therapy’ was the purchase of a new sofa (on sale at less then half price) and chair. They should be delivered tomorrow!
And if that weren’t enough, I had a landscaper over tonight to look at what I can do to landscape around the house. Since Ron died I’ve pretty much neglected the outside of the house. He used to take care of that stuff and it’s really starting to look neglected. But hopefully soon it will start looking better.
Between that, the upcoming blogging meet and RWA in July, I just might beat this funk.