Last night’s Lost – A rant and a glimpse into me

I know, I know I'm early but I just have to call it Last Nigh't Lost and a good rant doesn't work as well once one has cooled down

What an interesting and very sad night of television last night. First off, remember how I gloated because here in Canada we had the best of both worlds? Lost and American Idol on at two different times so I could watch them both? Well the PTB at CTV just had to go and ruin it. THEY TOOK OFF LOST and replaced it with The Amazing Race. Those jerks! So, since I watch both Lost and AI and still don’t know how to program a VCR (I know – very sad) I had to flip. And fascinatingly enough – weight played a major role in both shows.

First – Lost!

I loved this episode. We really got into Hurley’s psyche and I’m impressed beyond belief how the writers got it right. They nailed it as far as I’m concerned. For those who didn’t see it, the back story was Hurley’s. It turns out he was in a mental institute before he struck it big in the lottery. We had seen him there before, but being as I miss a lot of the subtleties, I thought he was there as a visitor. That wasn’t the case though. He was sent there by his mother, when a balcony (I think) he went out on collapsed, killing two people. He blamed himself – thinking it was his fault because he was overweight and it collapsed due to his added weight. I felt for him – I really did. Me – I’m no Nicole Ritchie. Some people on the larger size have reached that place where they can accept that about themselves. Not me. Oh how I wish I could but I’ll never be able too. Food is how I numb myself. And frankly I’ve done a lot of numbing in these past months.

While in the hospital Hurley had what turned out to be an imaginary friend. This “friend” was the one who kept him from losing weight. When Hurley realizes this, there is a breakthrough and he begins to recover. Then in real time, his imaginary friend made a re-appearance. This time it was triggered by the fact that Hurley couldn’t accept the fact that Libby might actually have feelings for him – despite his size. Oh man could I relate to that. I thought it turned out very good except for the doo doo doo doo (theme music from Twilight Zone there) moment at the very end. Wonder what that means. Hmmmm.

So – while I was watching Lost I flipped over to AI with about five minutes left to go. And who should get the lowest votes – but Mandisa. And why was that? It had nothing to do with talent – she has an incredible voice and is a very attractive woman. But she is (as Monica Jackson so insultingly would put it) a fat chick. And in western society there is a mostly unacknowledged hostility towards those of larger size – women in particular. And it does exist!! Years ago I applied for a job in a grocery store. The store manager was a pig!! A fuckin’ pig. I didn’t get the job and I heard later (because I had a lot of friends who worked there) that I didn’t get the job because of my size. The manager saw me and refused to hire me. And while I’m overweight, it’s not by a huge amount, but you do certainly notice it. Well a couple of years later that manager left (and was later fired – boy did I chortle in glee over that one) and I applied again and got the job. And if I do say so myself, was one of the best damn cashiers they had!!! I won all kinds of stuff for being a good cashier in their “mystery shopper” contests. I made it to the top of the pay scale a year and a half ahead of schedule because I got performance raises and in the 9 years I worked there I missed 3 days due to illness.

Because of that situation, I’ve always been more ‘sensitized’ to the hidden prejudice that exists. And it does! And Mandisa suffered because of it. And that’s wrong.

‘til later