Saturday, April 29, 2006

I’ve thought long and hard about whether to blog about this but ultimately decided I would as an explanation as to why I might seem to disappear at times. I know I always worry/wonder when we don't hear from a regular blogger for a while. I consider so many of you friends – just as dear and important to me as those I’ll have a drink or coffee with – in fact I often sit here with one or the other in my hand as I go “visiting”

I want to howl and break something – do some serious damage to – something. Last October my husband was diagnosed with cancer. They didn’t give us very good odds for recovery but still we decided to go through with the treatment, the chemo and the radiation. I always say we because even though it is my husband who has this disease, it affects me just as deeply. He went through the chemo and the radiation and I watched him suffer the side effects daily and suffered helplessly along with him. But it seemed to be working. Slowly he was able to eat more and more things and we began to hope. While in treatment he discovered a lump on his abdomen just under the skin. They kept a close eye on it but didn’t know what it was and didn't appear to be overly concerned. They decided to remove it just in case. That was scheduled for the first week in May. He had a CT scan done two weeks ago to see how the cancer was looking and we were to go in and get the results last Wednesday. What happened was a nightmare that I still can’t shake. After keeping us waiting 3 hours after our scheduled appointment, with Ron getting more and more nervous until he was trembling and we were just about to walk out, the doctor whom we saw once – once during this entire time - came in to tell us in as cold a manner as I can say, that there were many lumps throughout his abdomen and at this point there was nothing else to do, chemo didn’t work – they grew while he was on it, it was too close to vital organs to radiate, and there was no point in doing surgery. The surgeon then came in and in a much more compassionate way explained that there was nothing more to be done. Then they sent us on our way. They told us nothing on what to expect, nothing on what we can or should do – NOTHING. After waiting over 3 hours, we were spent and my mind frozen. They did schedule a follow-up visit in six weeks but that was it.

I will never ever forgive or forget the callous way they let us know that my husband is not going to make it.

On Friday there was an article in the local paper that our city has the longest waiting list in the province for cancer treatment but that once people start getting people in for treatment, they are fairly satisfied. The first part is true. The second is a lie.

I plan on continuing to blog and visit – it has helped keep me sane during this time and I don't know what I would have done without it and I know I need to keep doing it.


Kaitlin said...

Oh, Kristie-I am so sorry to hear about everything that has been going on with you and your husband. I've been keeping track via your blog and have been rooting for you. I'm saddened to learn that there is nothing further to be done.

If there is a hospice facility anywhere near you, I totally recommend getting in contact with them. When my grandmother's cancer was found to be terminal, the hospice people at the hospital were a godsend. They helped my family so much and were a great support network.

I want you to know that you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers. I'll make sure you're put on the prayer list at my family's church. Just remember that we are here for you and if you need to rant, scream, cry, whatever, we'll be here...even if we can't be there with you in support.

McVane said...

Holy crap. That is not what I wanted nor expected to hear because I fully expected him to get better. I'm really upset for you and all. I really am. It just seems so unfair.

I'm so glad that I wasn't there with you two when the doc broke the news because, trust me, I'd have walloped that doctor.

Is there a support group in your area that you and your family could go to? I'll shut up. I'm just shocked. You know where I am if you need to talk or to have a silly chat to take your mind off. ((hug))

Marg said...

Is there maybe one of the nurses in the oncology ward where you can get some information about support and what to expect.

I am keeping you both in my thoughts.

romancelover said...

You're in my prayers...keep strong!
Doc's a jerk!
I'm with kaitlin, we're here for you if you have to scream, vent or cry!
- Daniela

Karen Scott said...

Oh Kristie, I'm so very sorry to hear about your hubby, somehow, I truly thought he would get better.

Unfortunately I hear many stories like yours regarding doctor's and surgeon's cold attitudes towards patients and their families.

It seems to me that some of these specialists get so used to dishing out bad news, that they forget that no family is prepared to hear that their loved ones may die.

It's rare these days I guess to find doctors who genuinely empathise with their patients. Most of them are just too jaded, and cynical.

Tara Marie said...

Kristie, I hate to hear about your horrible treatment at the hands of so called professionals. I can't imagine how difficult this is for all of you. What a horrible reality to deal with.

I continue to keep your whole family in my prayers.

Support groups and hospice can be a blessing to help you through all of this, much more sensitive and understanding than most doctors, its sad but true.

{{{Hugs, thoughts and prayers}}} Tara

Bev (BB) said...

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this. You've been in my thoughts and prayers and will be doubly so now. And I agree with everyone else that you should see out some support services. They are usually out there but sometimes hard to find.

Nikki said...


I can't believe your husband's doctor treated you like that.

You both will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

We are here for you. If there is anything we can do let us know. Truly.

Tart said...

Hi Kristie

I read your blog quite a lot, but have never posted a comment, til now.

I just wanted to say I'm so sorry to hear about you and your husbands treatment by the doctors. It's truly terrible.

I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts.


Jorrie Spencer said...

Kristie, I read your blog from time to time and I wanted to check back and see how your husband was doing.

I am so very sorry for your news. You'll be in my thoughts.

Gabrielle said...

Kristie, I'm so sorry to hear about the diagnosis and just so angry that it was delivered to you with such dispassion and gracelessness. I want the name so I can write and tell him exactly what I think. Maybe that won't help you or Ron but it might help others that this person comes in contact with.

Take care of yourselves. I'm thinking of you.

Valeen said...

What an unfeeling arrogant ass! I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that attitude on top of it all. Sometimes the doctors have no bed side manners in the least - they aren't in it for the patients.

I've only just begun reading your blog and didn't know the extent of your husbands illness - as it had just been mentioned in a post he was ill. I wish you both much strength over the next while. ((hugs))

Megan Frampton said...


I'm sorry. You deserve to have a place to vent, cry, whine, and complain--and we are here for you.


Dylan said...

Oh gosh Kristie!

I'm so sorry that the Doc was such an unfeeling asshole to you and your husband. My heart goes out to the both of you, I will definitely keep you and your husband in my prayers.

Good thoughts and prayers are coming your way sweetie and like everyone before, I'm here if you need to vent, lash out or whatever, I have pretty strong shoulders and you can lean on them anytime you want!

(((((((Kristie and Ron)))))))))

Big Hugs,

Kristie (J) said...

Thank you all for your thoughts and well wishes. They do mean a lot knowing there is such a caring wonderful group of friends for me to cry to on occasion.

Giselle said...

I'm so sorry Kristie. My heart breaks for you both and what you must be going through. I'll keep you both in my prayers.

sybil said...

You are amazing in more ways than I could ever put into words.

I am so sorry and wish I could wave a wand and make it better. I wish I could hold your hand and pat your back and tell you it will be ok.

I wish I could be 'there' and not just to play with your books *g*.

Do take the time you need, do come and blog about whatever you want when you can. And know we are here for you however we can be.

You are in my thoughts, always.

Bookwormom said...

Kristie(J)- I hope you see this as it's a week late. Sorry about that. I'm waaayyy behind & trying to catch up blog hopping.

(((Kristie & Ron & family)))- I second the nomination of hospice care if it's available where you live. My husband was a Hospice nurse for three years & really feels it is a needed service.

Prayers & love to you & yours. Swift kick in the rear to those unfeeling doctors.

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