Thursday, April 23, 2015

Random Ramblings

Being in the zone

I’m bored at work again.  I can make some phone calls, I should make some, but I’ve already made quite a few and most of the people I’m calling aren’t home.  So instead (and the PTB better not find out) I’m letting my mind wander.

I’m curious as to how many readers are like me.  When I get reading a good book, you might as well forget about trying to get my attention.  I have the ability/curse to focus in so much I miss everything that goes on around me.  A bomb could go off beside me and if I’m ‘in the zone’, I wouldn’t even notice.  I often start reading and look up at the clock what seems like half an hour later only to discover that three hours have passed.  What led to this particular mind wander, I was reading some comments on GoodReads where readers commented about different things, mostly technical things, and a number said this kind of thing can pull them out of a book, which says to me I’m not the only one who gets so into a book.  I like that it seems I’m not alone in this

I have nothing to read!

I have a huge collection of ebooks now and we won’t even go there on the number of print books I have, but I still go through my books and think I have nothing to read, nothing appeals to me.  I have no idea why this is as we are talking romance books of every genre there is, from shape shifter to romantic suspense, medieval to sci-fi romance, historical to contemporary.  I have three platforms, Kindle, Kobo and Ibooks and all of them are full of books.  How and why does this happen?  I have a plethora to choose from, it’s not like I’m in a slump.  I find it happens when I’ve had a run of good books.  And since I have, this is the result.  Thank goodness there were a couple more Alexis Harrington books I could get and read.  Hopefully it will be over soon and a book will call my name.


Hoarding – Buried Alive

Yes, I am!  I’m a book and jewelry hoarder and I can’t seem to stop.  But I am making an effort in the book area.  Sort of.  I did have a ‘library’ at one time, but that was a child moving back home and into said library, breaking a leg and son moving out and not putting it back ago.  And now I read almost ebooks exclusively.  This means I have 36 BOXES of books filling one of the bedrooms.  And I mean FILLING it.  I can barely move in there.  So I’ve been bringing a few of them at a time into work.  We have a small library in the lunch room and I’ve been putting them in there.  I sent an email to the team I work on saying they can have first dibs if they want.  A couple of people have said that I can take them to goodwill or some other such place, in fact with the amount of books I have, they might even come and pick them up.  But for hoarders it’s not that easy.  I watch the show, Hoarders, Buried Alive and while part of me thinks they are nuts, here they have people who will come and declutter their house for free and offer metal health at the same time so why are they so resistant.   But then I think if the same thing happened with my books, I would be the same way.  Even as I’m pulling books out to bring into work, I hesitate over each one, while in the deeper hole of insanity, that I might want to read that book again.  The more sane part of me says no, no you won’t and the saner part wins.  But each book is a struggle.  If I were to just give away a random box of books, I would freak.  I would wonder for the rest of my life – what if THE book was one of the books in there.  I don’t really know what I mean by that, but doesn’t matter.  Such is the insanity.

I mentioned I hoard jewelry too but it’s not nearly what my book addiction is.  I know this because I have no trouble getting rid of it, well, most of it anyway.  I just like the bling of it.  But books on the other hand, I have a strong emotional attachment too.  But I am getting rid of them, one book at a time.

Working – 9 to 5

The nature of my job has changed drastically over the years.  As technology has taken over more and more of the things I used to do, it has been replaced with us having to make more and more phone calls.  None of us really like doing them, but in my case I’m finding it particularly stressful for some reason even though for the most part they are very positive.  Since we aren’t selling anything, but checking in to see how people are doing, a great many of them appreciate it.  But a lingering effect of the depression I realize now I’ll have for the rest of my life, is reaching out to others.  I have no problems whatsoever when people call in, but me calling them is very, very stressful for me.  Each call I make is like a stab.  Depression is an isolating condition.  Though to others it seems like I’m doing very well, on the inside, not so much.  With the new medication, I’m doing so much better, but in this area things haven’t improved at all, if anything it’s getting worse.  I very rarely call my family and it’s not because I don’t love them, I do so very much, but at times it’s almost like a physical barrier keeping from making that call.  I know none of them except my oldest son understands what it’s like – it’s the same for him.  I know my family is angry with me and then that, of course, keeps me from calling even more.  I can’t handle the censure or anger.  I hate that part of me.  It’s like the mail thing.  People just don’t understand why it’s so hard for me – they don’t get it.  I don’t get it myself, it just is.  Same with making phone calls – I don’t really explain why I find it so painful, I just do.  I’m not sure how to handle it.  I’ve said in more than one team meeting I find them very difficult, but then everyone just nods and agrees.  I don’t want to point out that, ‘yeah, I bet their harder for me than the rest of you guys’.  That wouldn’t go over well – it wouldn’t if someone else did that.  I guess just grit my teeth and try to push through.  I think that’s one of the reasons I’m more tired at the end of the day.  Stress is tiring don’t you know.  It’s ironic – there are some positions here I wouldn’t have taken as it meant having to spend a great deal of the day on the phone.  Now I’m in that position myself.


I’ve Found Something to Read

I mentioned up further that I can’t find anything to read.  That still holds true – mostly.  What is keeping me going – since it’s not a slump I’m in, just extreme pickiness, - is old comfort reads.  I’m a rereader, always have been, always will be.  But in this new world of ebooks and releases of older books, I’m finding myself reveling in them; Alexis Harrington right at the moment.  I’m not sure what to call this.  It’s kind of in between a read and a reread.  I did read them, but in some cases over 20 years ago.  I don’t remember a lot of the story so it’s kind of like reading a new book, but not really – if that makes any sense.  And this makes for a win/win for me!  I don’t remember the story so it’s kind of new, but I do remember the ‘feeling’ it brought.  Once I get past Ms.Harrington, I have some very old Patricia Potter Westerns, some Jill Marie Landis Westerns.

So a happy “hip, hip hooray” for ebook releases for loved books from the 90’s and earlier.

'til later


azteclady said...

Every word you say about depression, and isolation, and how difficult it is to reach out--particularly phone calls--and even how hard it is to open mail (though it's a bit less difficult for me, I think), I understand.

I dropped my land line and have a full data plan on my cell so I can text with my kids instead--for some reason, that is easier. Emails have gotten harder for me lately, particularly from my siblings--which makes them angry, which makes it harder.

It's a cycle that is so hard to break, and some days it feels like nothing helps.

Since it seems that phone calls are very much a fixed part of your job now, do you think your doctor could do something to help you deal with them with less stress? Because exhausted from stress truly is no good.

I'm glad you are finding the re-reads of old, mostly forgotten books so comforting--and I completely understand hoarding physical books. Even those books I buy specifically for my sister are hard to part with. Stupid, huh? But there you have it.

Lots of hugs going your way, Kristie.

Wendy said...

I'm really good about getting rid of books....once I read them. It's the getting them read part that's the issue. The only way it's ever going to happen is if I make a very concerted effort to read print and DNF more. I told myself I was going to DNF more for this year's TBR Challenge - and so far I've been crap about that. Finishing books that ended up being C or D reads for me. I mean, honestly? Why did I bother? I should have chucked the book aside and called it a day.

I'm at the point now where authors of print books in my TBR have gotten their rights back and are self-publishing. And yet I hang on to my print copy in the TBR because I'm too frugal to buy another copy of an unread book that I already own a perfectly good copy of. I just, you know, need to find the time to read it. Sigh.

I am not a well woman.