Saturday, September 05, 2009

Having Fun With Spam Again

Just for the heck of it, I’ve been saving my spam again. No – not the kind out the tin, the kind we get in our junk email. Once more I’ve saved some of the funnier spam mail I got and rather than reply to it personally, I thought I would do it here.

Michale Bydyono says “John said to me”

What, what did he say to you? You left me hanging there!

Tamika Villarreal says “Women would be begging to take a picture of your fantastic rod”

Um – I don’t think so Tamika. While true, I haven’t asked a lot of women about their photography habits, I don’t think we go around wanting to take pictures of fantastic rods as a rule – flowers, yes, sunsets, perhaps – a woman I work with lives near the lake and often takes pictures of the sunsets; our children, of course, our husbands – could be, our husbands wankers – nope – don’t think so.

Daisy Ajdoedih says “Plan B”

Before I go with Plan B – I want to know what Plan A is

Winfred Rodgers says "Enhancing you rod will be the best gift for her for St. Valentines".

Well first off Winifred, we have to get through Thanksgiving and Christmas before we talk about St. Valentines day. And then I realize that some guys may figure big shlongs = romance – but that’s why you guys are from Mars. Take it from a her – if you have the money, jewellery would work much better.

Traci Ackerman says “Life is so much easier when you have more inches”

Sure Traci, sure – rub it in!! Every time I’m at the grocery store and my 5 foot, 2 inch tall body is wanting something on the top shelf and I have a choice of either trying to climb up like a monkey or wait until someone taller comes along – I think that. Or when the milk hasn’t been restocked and the kind I want is at the back of the refrigerator unit so I settle for skim milk instead, I think the very same thing!

Oh – wait – I bet you don’t mean it like tha-at.

Charles Berg says “you would never have to travel south if you had a bigger shaft”

OK – I’m confused over this one. Why would traveling south have anything to do with mining? Unless maybe they have more gold or silver mines south of here – but how far south must one go?

Annika Criscuolo says “Become Volunteer”

Now that’s a bit too wide open. Do you mean volunteer to help the underprivileged or to become a human lab rat for all kinds of strange experiments? Or maybe to see what drastic sleep depravation can do – there are just too many possibilities in that open ended suggestion.

Ora Farr says “Enlarging your male tool will be the best revenge for your ex”

OOO-Kay. It sounds like a subtle revenge to me – unless of course you go up to her and drop your pants and let her see the enlargement. But then there’s the risk she might just point and laugh or have you arrested. Because really – how else is your ex going to know you had your male tool enlarged. Unless of course you are talking getting bigger hammer or a shinier saw or sharper awl, in which case I think there are better methods of revenge.

Alyssa Banks says “the endurance and stamina depends on the size as well.”

Oh dear – I hope all those athletes training for the Winter Olympics or all those football players getting ready for the NFL season who are somewhat vertically challenged don’t get this one!!

And now that I’ve had my fun – I can “select all” and “delete”

But before I hit Publish Post - one more funny "spam"


Nancy said...

This is one of your funnier posts. Its almost up there with the Arther poop and the good underpants (not wear)

Sister Nance

Rosario said...

Brilliant. Just brilliant :-D

JennJ said...


Oh and you have a blog award over at my place! :)


SusiSunshine said...

I just woke my in-laws cuz I started laughing so loud. But this is a real great post.

Anonymous said...

Hi Kristie:
Loved this, thanks for my smile for the day. The spam clip is a riot.

azteclady said...

"Jewelry works better"

*still sniggering*

thank you, Kristie.

"spam spam spam spam spam spam spam and spam"

sula said...

hahaha. oh dear. the spam, the stupid, it burns! why is it that men think that LENGTH and WIDTH somehow magically make romance come alive. puhleaze. it ain't how much you got, it's what you do with it.

love your commentary. :)

CindyS said...

Classic! Thanks for bringing some fun to spam ;)


Mary G said...

Hi Kristie
Funniest spam post yet. My beef - why send these to someone with a girl's name? It's not like I'd tell my guy about it if I needed to. What would we do? Forward it & say FYI?

Anonymous said...

LOL! Cute post, Kristie! I hope you had a great weekend.

orannia said...

Brilliant. Just brilliant :-D

Rosario took the words right out of my mouth!

I still don't understand spam. Are there lots of people all over the world thinking up random phrases to email?