We will resume our previously scheduled posts after this etc.

So.  I’m going to go all in for this post.  It’s still very tough in this particular confession but the hoarding cleanup is going very well.  The kitchen is almost done – we haven’t touched the dining room part yet since that’s where all my way over abundance of jewelry and beading supplies are residing.  I plan on moving them to one of the bedrooms that we haven’t done yet so we will be going back to the dining room when the bedroom is done.  And I still have to wash the whole kitchen floor – not just the dirtiest spots.  But other than that the kitchen is done.  Every time I open a drawer or cupboard I get a thrill at how neat and organized it is.  Not sure if I mentioned it, but we threw out all the food in the freezer and fridge out and I started over.  Things were so bad I was using the trunk in my car as the fridge.

The bathroom is done and the living room almost is.  What is coming out more and more is, well, the results of my issues.  And then there is the results of the results. 

For example, I ‘misplaced’ the remote for the television months ago and because my living room was the way it was, I didn’t have a clue where to begin looking.  But it was found the other day because of the cleaning.  And how nice that has been.  While it was missing, in order to change channels I had to go up to the television itself to do it – as well as turn on and off the TV.  And as a result I tended to leave it on CNN for much too much time. 

Now constant watching of CNN tends to get depressing after a while and when a depressed person watches a depressing show – well, that’s depressing.  But now I can change channels from where I’m sitting and it’s wonderful.  I’ve been watching ever so much less of Wolf and the gang.  Mind you I had to sit on my hands to keep from ordering a gorgeous necklace that called me from the shopping channel and cost $449 but it wasn’t too hard.  And watched Chopped for the first time in months and months.

Another interesting discovery was a winter coat I didn’t remember at all.  It was on a hook at the front door and since I couldn’t even reach the front door, it was total out of sight, out of mind.  All winter I wore either a thick vest or a crappy coat that was better off thrown out.  So when we discovered this new/old coat that I didn’t remember I had, against my very nature I was hoping for at least one more cold day so I could wear it.  I kind of felt bad hoping that since it’s the middle of April AND WE ARE STILL GETTING SNOW.  But I got past that.

And my carpet, oh my, my carpet.  It’s vacuumed.  For the first time in ages and ages it’s looking very good.  I’ve gone a wee bit over board in vacuuming a couple of times a day so it stays looking fresh, but I’m sure that will wear off.

 

It’s not all been good.  When I found a coat of mine, I also found a leather jacket that Ron had that he loved and I broke down over that.  The person helping me with the hoarding said I didn’t have to decide right away what to do with it – see I couldn’t just give it away.  Ron loved that coat and he looked so good in it, but I had asked the boys and neither of them wanted it.  But she said there was nothing wrong with holding onto it.

And mail!!  OMG we got rid of 2 or 3 years worth of mail.  That alone has had me dancing with delight ever since we went through it.  And wonder of wonders, there were NO police summons.  And the 2 or 3 big boxes I had are now empty and ready to start packing up books I know I’ll never get read again.

 

 

But it’s odd.  As I unclutter the house and can see floors and carpet again, it’s like I’m getting uncluttered inside as well.  I know it’s going to be a while still before we are finished, but already my world is looking so much brighter.  And that could also be because now I’m opening blinds again.  And rather than sitting in the dark, in my jammies, watching CNN, I’m getting up, getting dressed, opening blinds and vacuuming or washing dishes or any of the other things I haven’t been able to do for a while now.  And I’ve no fungus covered fridge dishes.  And both bathroom and kitchen sink are clean and (mostly) germ free.

Things are looking good – at least for today.

 

‘til later

Favourite Reads

And still with the Emma Scott love, another book of hers I adored.

I can’t seem to get enough of Emma Scott’s books since I rediscovered her and this is her most recent release.

Forever Right Now by Emma Scott

We first met Darlene Montgomery in The Butterfly Project.  She was the best friend of the hero and though she was bubbly and effervescent, she had some deep issues she tried to medicate with drugs.  She’d been drug free for a while but relapsed so I was delighted to see this book is her story.  When last we met her, she was in a relationship and doing her best to stay off drugs.  It’s now a year later and the relationship she was in didn’t work out.  While she was upset it didn’t, it didn’t trigger a return to drugs.  She’s been drug free for a while now and is ready to make big changes in her life.  The first and biggest is moving to San Francisco.  She gets a squeal of a deal on a sublet, has taken a course in massage therapy and landed a fairly good paying job at a swanky spa.  And most of all, she’s ready to start dancing again.  She hasn’t really since drugs stole dancing from her.  Everything is looking good – at least until she meets her new neighbour Sawyer Haas.  To put it politely, he’s a grump.  Darlene sees sparks of a different kind of guy when he interacts with his adorable daughter, but other than that, he’s Mr. Unfriendly.

But because Darlene is who she is, with her sparkling personality isn’t going to let a little thing like that stop her so she slowly but surely wiggles her way into his life.

I think this one might be my favourite Emma Scott book yet and that’s saying quite a bits as I’ve adored all the books I’ve read so far.  Going in I already loved Darlene and because we’re ‘met’ her, was ready to cheer her on right from the get go.  She’s so loaded with personality that she’s a joy to read.  Although she’s an addict, she figures she’s got it beat.  Her new sponsor Max, another great and colourful character warns her that she’s not quite seeing the whole picture of an addict but Doreen assures him she’s good.  The reader of course, knows she’s in for a fall and I almost had my fingers crossed that she wouldn’t go back to drugs like she had previously.  I’m not going to say whether she does or not – mean of me I know.

And Sawyer.  What a fascinating and 100% wonderful guy he is.   He has a lot of balls in the air and he’s stressed to the limit.  He’s in the final stages of getting his law degree and he has a great job lined up – as long as he passes the bar.  It’s helpful that he has an eidetic memory.  That’s the kind where you remember everything you learn.  Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory has that kind.  But law school is just part of his stressors.  He’s also a single father with sole custody of his very young daughter and he’s trying to make do financially on just the money from a scholarship. 

In his previous life, he was one Wild and Crazy Guy.  He and his roommates lived in party central and being young and attractive with a great future, finding willing young women was never a problem.  But that life style ended up abruptly when a one night stand came to visit carrying a baby, said it was his and took off, in the middle of one of his epic parties even..  Being a stand-up guy, Sawyer changed his life style completely and now is a totally womanless, stressed student and simply wonderful single father who would do anything for his daughter, It’s impossible not to love him to pieces and want to jump in and help him.  And that’s what Doreen tries to do but he does make it very hard for her.  And I can’t finish this review without giving big thumbs up to his daughter, Olivia.  Ms. Scott has even infused her with an adorable little personality.  Most of the time I’m meh about kids in romance but in this case, Livie was just as wonderfully done as every other character.

There is a brief appearance of Beckett and Zelda from The Butterfly Project but this book works just fine as a standalone.

With a wonderful story and a most excellent price there is no reason not to give this one a try.  I almost 100% guarantee you will fall in love with it too.

 

Outline: Outline: Darlene Montgomery has been to hell and back…more than once. After a stint in jail for drug possession, she is finally clean and ready to start over. Yet another failed relationship is just the motivation she needs to move from New York to San Francisco with the hopes of resurrecting her dance career and discovering that she is more than the sum of her rap sheet. As Darlene struggles in her new city, the last thing she wants is to become entangled with her handsome—but cranky—neighbor and his adorable little girl...

Sawyer Haas is weeks away from finishing law school, but exhaustion, dwindling finances, and the pressure to provide for himself and his daughter, Olivia, are wearing him down. A federal clerkship--a job he desperately needs--awaits him after graduation, but only if he passes the Bar Exam. Sawyer doesn’t have the time or patience for the capricious—if beautiful—dancer who moves into the apartment above his. But Darlene’s easy laugh and cheerful spirit seep into the cracks of his hardened heart, and slowly break down the walls he’s resurrected to keep from being betrayed ever again.

When the parents of Olivia’s absentee mother come to fight for custody, Sawyer could lose everything. To have any chance at happiness, he must trust Darlene, the woman who has somehow found her way past his brittle barbs, and Darlene must decide how much of her own bruised heart she is willing to give to Sawyer and Olivia, especially when the ghosts of her troubled past refuse to stay buried.

Grade: 4.5 out of 5

Favourite Reads

Since I’ve started reading 99.5 % of all books as ebooks, m reading life has undergone huge changes.  The vast majority of books I read now are either self-published or published by small publishers.  Except for a few exceptions, I don’t read books published by the big publishers any longer.  The prices are just too high.  And I’ve found some pretty amazing authors by going the self-pub, small pub route.  I thought I’d share some of my favourite.

Up first is Emma Scott.  I have read some incredible books by her.  She writes the kind where you’re lucky you aren’t sobbing by the end.  But they always end up happy.  I read no other kind. 

 

The Butterfly Project by Emma Scott

 

Last year I read a great book by this author, How to Save a Live and for some unknown reason I didn’t read another one – until now.  This is a truly beautiful book about self-forgiveness and I was mesmerized with it.  There wasn’t a single paragraph, sentence or even word that I didn’t love.

The book opens with Zelda Rossi pretty much at her lowest.  She has moved from Vegas to NYC to try and sell a graphic novel she has penned and just received her latest rejection.  The last house to reject her at least gave her a crumb, they thought she had potential but needed to add ‘heart’ to her novel.  She had no idea what they meant as she had already poured her heart and soul into Mother, May I, the name of her graphic novel.  She was robbed at the hostel she’d been staying and was running low on funds but she didn’t want to give up and go back to Vegas.

She decides to have one last good meal and heads into a small Italian bistro.  But as she is of Italian heritage and the very smell of food reminds her of home and the nightmare she has lived with for years, she needs to escape and heads out the back.  It is there she meets Beckett Copeland, a busboy who offers her comfort and an escort back to the hostel.  Through a series of events they end up as roommates.  Beckett helps her find the heart of her novel and in the process they help each other to heal grievous wounds.

 

This story is exquisite.  It’s rare when I fall as deeply in love with both the heroine and the hero as I did with Zelda and Beckett.  I even adore their names.

Years earlier Zelda had been with her sister when her sister was kidnapped and subsequently murdered.  Zelda blamed herself for not saving her sister and she was forever changed.  She suffers from panic attacks and PTSD.  She suffers from nightmares years later.  She is even unable to go home for any length of time because the memories still haunt her.  Her graphic novel, about a woman from the future who goes back in time to eliminate child predators and change the future events, is a reflection of Zelda’s need for closure.  She’s such a wonderful and well-drawn character that we can’t help feeling the pain and loss she does.

And Beckett’s story is just a tragic.  He was raised by his grandfather and it was poor existence.  When his grandfather fell ill, Beckett participated in a home invasion and the homeowner ended up dying of a heart attack.  Beckett spent two years in prison for armed robbery but because he has such a huge heart, has never been able to forgive himself.  Prison wasn’t nearly enough.  He writes the most heart rendering letters to the widow, letting her know how deeply he regrets his part in the death of her husband.  He is so compassionate and that makes the whole situation even more tragic.  The author gives examples of his nature in a number of different ways including making sure a neighbor is always fed.  Because he has a prison record and on parole, his options are limited and he works part time as a busboy and his main job as a bike messenger.

Beckett and Zelda start off as friends but their relationship deepens into more than love and they become each other’s savior.

If you are a reader who needs to ‘feel’ a book to enjoy it to its fullest then The Butterfly Project is a book you need to read.  The connection and the need that Beckett and Zelda have for each other seeps gently into the read with every page.  They truly are two halves of a whole who it almost seems destined to meet and fill the holes made by tragedy in each other. They filled the loneliness they each felt and because they both experienced deep guilt, they ‘got’ each other more than most people.

The writing is also so vivid.  I could actually feel the cold and freezing weather that Beckett felt when he was biking around the city.  I also experienced his anguish that because of his record, he couldn’t be there at a time when Zelda really needed him.  And I could feel on Zelda’s side, the influence he had on her novel and how, with his help and input, it was raised to a whole new level.  And as her novel was so much more to her, his thoughts also helped her heal in a way she didn’t they she would ever be able to.

This is a book that is going to stay with me and a book that I’m going to need to read again – and again – and again.  I also rectified the lack of Ms. Scott’s books and stocked up as soon as I finished this one.

 

Outline: Where you are is home..."

At age fourteen, Zelda Rossi witnessed the unthinkable, and has spent the last ten years hardening her heart against the guilt and grief. She channels her pain into her art: a dystopian graphic novel where vigilantes travel back in time to stop heinous crimes—like child abduction—before they happen. Zelda pitches her graphic novel to several big-time comic book publishers in New York City, only to have her hopes crash and burn. Circumstances leave her stranded in an unfamiliar city, and in an embarrassing moment of weakness, she meets a guarded young man with a past he’d do anything to change...

Beckett Copeland spent two years in prison for armed robbery, and is now struggling to keep his head above water. A bike messenger by day, he speeds around New York City, riding fast and hard but going nowhere, his criminal record holding him back almost as much as the guilt of his crime.

Zelda and Beckett form a grudging alliance of survival, and in between their stubborn clash of wills, they slowly begin to provide each other with the warmth of forgiveness, healing, and maybe even love. But when Zelda and Beckett come face to face with their pasts, they must choose to hold on to the guilt and regret that bind them, or let go and open their hearts for a shot at happiness.

The Butterfly Project is a novel that reveals the power of forgiveness, and how even the smallest decisions of the heart can—like the flutter of a butterfly’s wings—create currents that strengthen into gale winds, altering the course of a life forever.

Grade: 5 out of 5

 

Etc time - yipee

I’m getting up there in age.  Though I look much younger (heh, heh, heh) I will actually be of retirement age next year.  Wowzers!  I don’t plan on retiring, I love my job and since I’m doing a job share, I only work 2 days one week and 3 days the next with many an option of picking up extra shifts if I so choose.  But this is kind of off topic a bit so I’m trying to get back on.

A couple of signs of old age which not much is talked about is facial hair.  Ugh!  Yes, I have more and more hair growing on my chinny chin, chin.  I’ve been plucking on a regular basis but the number of hairs are growing and the plucking hurting more.  I think I’m going to have to take more drastic measure and have them waxed.  I’ve had it done a couple of times and it hurts – but at least it’s a hurt all at once like ripping off a bandaid.  It’s been a while since I’ve plucked and I took a look this morning.  Wither way I’m in a whole world of hurt in getting rid of those damn things.

 

I worked on the weekend and always stop at McDonalds to pick up a coffee.  But I was really in the mood for a honey dip donut on the weekend so I stopped at Tim Hortons.  Now I’m not a fan of their coffee and much prefer Micky D’s – but that donut was calling my name.  Much to my dismay when I got to the order window, they were out of honey dip donuts.  So I went with my second choice, chocolate dip too.  And thus began one of my rare complaints.

THP = Tim Horton’s Person

THP: “Sorry, we don’t have any chocolate donuts either.”

Me: “What do you mean you don’t have either honey dip or chocolate donuts.  You are a DONUT place.  By the very nature of your name you should have donuts.  It’s not even noon yet (the shift I worked was 12 to 8).  How can it be you don’t have any left?”

THP: “Sorry, it’s been very busy.”

(I knew he wasn’t really sorry, I could tell by the tone of his voice)

Me: I’ll just have a coffee then.” (I said disgruntedly)

When I got to the pick up window and still disgruntled, I really let him have it – will both barrels

Me: “You know I really don’t like your coffee, I much prefer your competitors but the only reason I came here was for the donut and you don’t have them.  I won’t be coming back here.”

THG: Again I’m sorry m’am

That because I bet he noticed my chin hairs and figured I was old, thus making it ok to call me m’am.  The story has a happy ending though.  When I whined and bitched my no donut story, one of my coworkers picked one up for me the next day.

Speaking of getting old, along with the chin hairs, my hair is getting grayer and grayer, not that anyone really knows this as I pay quite a bit of money to keep that gray right out of my hair.  But I’ve recently decided to embrace the gray and for a couple of sessions I’ve had blond highlights added to my faux red hair.  And I’m actually quite liking it.  And before I get rid of them, a number of my chin hairs are coming in gray too.

Has anyone else been bothered more and more that some of the great songs of the 80’s are being used in television commercials?  This is a trend that is really getting on my last nerve.  Car commercials are the worst.  There’s a new one that uses the song Wicked Games by Chris Isaak.  Mind you it’s a different singer singing it, but still.  But I think smoke may have started coming out my ears when I saw a commercial for Arby’s and they used the song Holding out for a Hero by Bonnie Tyler.  Whenever the word hero comes up, the )*%$# advertisers mute it and say Arby’s.  Like Holding out for a Arby’s.

NO.  Just no, no, no, no.  This is wrong on so many levels.  This is probably one of my favourite 80’s song and they are ruining it.  It’s iconic.  Even the video, which I posted a long time ago is iconic for it’s bad videoness.  To use it for a fast food commercial hurts me.

I’m a rare bird in that when I buy a book, I get annoyed if there is another book after and I don’t know there is one.  I like to keep track of how far I am in a book and if there are 2 or 3 included after the original book and I don’t know it, I’m completely thrown off in my counting.  I don’t like to read big books.  That’s one of the issues I have with Diana Gabladon books, too long.  So if I’m reading along and notice I’m only 15% or so done, I hmf. 

I don’t want to read a long book.  I lose attention and don’t give the book the attention it needs.  And then of course skipping to the end is a lot more difficult since the end of said book is actually in the middle somewhere.

Now having said this, I just bought a book where this is exactly the case.  But I know in advance it contains more books.  Plus the cover model is hot and even in my mid-sixties I’m all about the shallow.

Well, that’s it for my etc for now.

‘til later

Reading Challenges and Etc

I seldom sign up for them.  I always plan to, especially over at Wendy, Super Librarian.  But as soon as I do, I start to feel the pressure.  I'm very much of a mood reader and say the challenge is to read a Western, though I adore the genre, as soon as I know I'm supposed to read one, any urge to completely disappears. 

This is the same with any romance genre there might be.  But the one challenge I do enter every year is the one on GoodReads.  I like this one because the only parameter is the number of books to read a year and the reader gets to set the number.  I've been taking part 3 or 4 year now and every year I've made my target and then some.  So the next year I up it again.

But this year I've been slow to record and up until today had only added ONE book even though I challenged myself to read 120.  By April 8 I was way, way, way behind.  But working on a Sunday evening when there is nothing to do to keep my busy, I've decided I have to try and get caught up.  Thankfully I've been recording the books I've read so far and have written a number of reviews so it's just a matter of copying and pasting.  Thank goodness for copy/paste.  I'm hoping that before I go home tonight, unless work gets busy, I should have all of January's books in.  Then it won't look such a sad and lonely number - One is the loneliest number or so the song goes.

~~~~~~~

While not an author,  I couldn't help but think of the importance of grabbing the reader right out of the gate.  I just finished writing a review for a book for The Good, The Bad, The Unread where I do reviews (even in my darkest days and not blogging here I still kept my food in the water).  The book in review started off with a bang!

"There was a pause. Then the man’s voice came again, dark and cold. Look, Evie Bates, I realize this is probably bad news, but I’m about to go beat your boyfriend to a pulp.
For a second, the words didn’t compute. “Who is this?” I nearly shouted, standing up in the dark in my old pajama top.
“It’s going to be bloody. I just thought I should warn you first.”
……
“Yeah”, the man said. “I thought so. Bring bandages, a towel, maybe a mop.” Then he hung up."

 

Right from that paragraph on, the book had me.  I couldn't not keep reading and the book turned out to be a real keeper of a romance.

Now contrast that to the book I'm currently reading.  The heroine accepts a marriage proposal but no one than her mother thinks she and the fiancé are a good match.  The hero - NOT the fiancé - has been thinking of heroine off and on for a while but has done nothing.  Heroine and her sisters go to try on engagement party dresses.  At the engagement party the heroine introduces hero and finance and then goes off.  And so on and so on and so on.  Now the books has some good reviews so I'm going to keep reading, at least for a while, but I couldn't help comparing the two different openings and I can tell right away which one will be getting the highest grades.

Well, that's all the brain has for right now so I'm headed back to GoodReads.

Oh, and one more things.  I'm trying to wean myself off CNN.  I even had it on the radio to listen to when out driving but now I've changed the station back to Pulse FM.  And I've started car dancing again when I pull up to a light and a good tune is one.  It's been ever so long since I did a good car dance.

'til later

Etc - and a review

Me again.  And I knew this would happen.  As soon as I’m back into the blog and feeling closer to groovy then I have for quite some time, my brain goes dead for topics to blog about.  But I want to make it a habit so until the lightbulb goes on over my head, I’ll post some reviews I’ve done over the months.  While life was difficult, thank goodness I didn’t hit readers block and was still able to read, most of it done while Wolf Blitzer was hosting CNN. 

I really don’t like him.  He has no sense of humour, asks really stupid questions in his monotone voice and has not one, but two blocks a day.  At least the others are interesting for the most part. 

One segment I really did enjoy was with Anderson Cooper when he was interviewing Stormy Daniels attorney, Michael Avenatti and the twit lawyer representing Michael Cohen.  The twit lawyer said every time Michael called Cohen a thug, they were going to sue him.  So Michael starting saying ‘thug’ thug, thug, thug and counting on his fingers.  And poor Jeffrey Toobing is stuck between the two of them.  Anderson just kind of looked at us, tipped his head and smiled.   I tried to find a small clip but they were all too long. 

I found the whole exchange vastly amusing and can I just say if I ever get in legal trouble I want Mr.  Avenatti as my solicitor.

See what I mean?  Way, way too much CNN.

 

And now, as to keep from going on about CNN, a Review

The Protector by Elin Peer – Book 1 of Men of the North series

 

I noticed this one on for a good price on Book Bub.  Since the price was right, the cover model appealed to the shallow in me and the storyline sounded intriguing, I thought I’d give it a shot.  The book takes place 400 in the future.  There’s been a devastating third world war that wiped out billions of people and much of the planet is uninhabitable.  Civilization as we know it has been changed forever.  The dark times have passed however and society has been revamped and is moving on.  The biggest difference is most of the women live in one area and most of the men live in another area and there is a huge border wall that divides them.  Men are rough and tumble and definitely alpha while women are calm and practical.  They trade with each other on occasion but other than that the two different sides have no interaction with each other.  This changes when one of the women, Christina Sanders, a professor and archeologist by trade, crosses the border to excavate a site in the north and she gets to see what men from the north are like and they get to see what a woman from the south is like.

The first word to describe this book is, well, fun.  It’s cute, it’s quirky, it’s a bit silly and I enjoyed it ever so much.  The two sides, men and women, have some real goofy ideas about the other side.  The women think men kidnap women, hold them against their will and do all kinds of ‘things’ to them.  All of their preconceived perceptions are wrong of course though the men of the north are extremely overprotective of the the women they do have as men vastly outnumber the women in the north.  The way they choose their wives are hilarious and once they do find a wife of the very few women, sadly the women live rather a stifling life. 

When she arrives, Christina is assigned a ‘protector, Alexander Boulder.  There is a definite attraction between them but their ways of life couldn’t be more different and the last thing Christina wants to do is spend the rest of her life in this upside down society.  Or so she thinks.  There were many places in this book that had me smiling or chucking at the difference between the sexes.  I loved Boulder as he was mostly known as.  Though overprotective like the rest of his brothers, it’s truly for Christina’s safety.  All things considered, he’s more enlightened than many a ‘Man of the North’ though he does think the Momsies, as the men call the women, are bonkers in a lot of the things they do and think.  I found him such a hoot.

Christina makes for a great heroine.  She’s rather flummoxed when she discovers many of the men’s customs but she manages to adjust.  Thanks goodness some of the worst she thought she knew about them are just more like urban legends.  For example, men are NOT cannibals.  She’s an adventurer at heart and the society of the women tends to suppress the more adventuresome so once she breaks through those walls and stereotypes she’s heard about, she adapts wonderfully.

I really got on board with this book and have since read the rest that have been published and preordered the one after that hasn’t.

 

Grade: 4.5 out of 5

 

Outline: 400 years in the future, men are few and women rule the world.
Except for the area formerly known as Canada and Alaska, which is inhabited by the Men of the Northlands, a group of strong men, who refuse to be ruled by women.

Christina Sanders, an archeologist and professor in history, is fascinated with the past. As a modern woman of year 2437 she knows that women are better off without men, but longing for an adventure, she makes a spontaneous decision and volunteers for a job no one else wants. Now she’s going to lead an archeological excavation in the Northlands, the most secluded place on earth where the mythical males live who are rumored to be as brutal and dangerous as the men Christina has read about in her history books.

What will happen when Christina crosses into the men’s territory? Will they allow her to do her job and is there any way they’ll let her leave again – unharmed?

phew

Finally.  Do you know how hard it is to get back into one’s blog when it’s been a while and you can’t remember the password and keep using the incorrect email address?

Answer:  Very Hard!  I’ve been trying to get back in for a while but kept running into road block after road block after road block.  I’ve had some excellent ideas for posts but couldn’t get in to post them.  And now of course, I can get in and the mind has been drawing a blank.

What I can post about is what’s been going on in my personal life.  Any one following me on a regular basis knows that I suffer from depression.  I’m in the depths of one and then slowly the sun starts to come through and I think I’m all better now.

But depression doesn’t work that way and without me really realizing it I was starting to go under again.  It was different this time so it took me longer to clue in.  I wasn’t as filled with self loathing this time like I have been in past depressions.  I didn’t like myself but the little voice that kept telling me what a useless person I was, nobody really cared, nobody really liked me and they spoke about me behind my back was absent.  Nope, that monster depression attacked me in a different way this time.  I had no energy for anything and I didn’t care about my surroundings.  On my days off, I’d rarely get dressed, instead I watched CNN all day.  I tell you it’s a scary thing when one recognizes the voice of Ted Cruz on the television when one is another room.  THAT’S when you KNOW that you’re in trouble.  But even that didn’t get me moving.

The worst part though was I was letting the house go.  I’ve been doing that for a long time now but the snowball was huge and near the bottom of the hill.  I could barely move around in the house and I’m still in danger of falls.  I had no clean counter space so I wasn’t cooking, the bathroom was so bad it was almost creepy showering and I only had one space to sit in the living room.  I never opened the blinds to let light in and I stopped taking my medication for depression because the depression was telling me why bother??  Nothing matters.  And yet still on the outside no one would guess what was going on inside.  Of course I avoided having anyone come to the house as I was so ashamed of the state it was in but I couldn’t gather the energy to do anything about it.

But I hit the very, very bottom when my toilet clogged up and I’m not going to give TMI but it was disgusting.  After work I want to a 24 hour mental health clinic and spoke to a sponsor for hours.  We came up with a plan.  Number 1 was to get the house back in order.  I contacted a company that helps people with hoarding issues.  Yes, I had  crossed over into genuine hoarding and while not as bad as what one sees on Extreme Hoarding, still it was pretty bad.

The shame I felt when someone came for an assessment was horrendous.  It’s an even harder thing to admit to than depression.  Because of course the voice kept telling me what a lazy disgusting place my house was.  But the person they sent, a young woman, has truly been wonderful.  She contacted a plumber as the first item and since then she’s been coming over twice a week to help me purge.  We are finished the bathroom and the kitchen and I’ve been slowly working on the living room and next visit we are going to tackle it together.

I could go on and on about some of the stuff that we’ve been tossing, such as cereal dating back to 2012, but it would take way too long and be way too boring.

My house is starting to come back, I’m back on my meds again, the depression is lifting and I’m opening the blinds to let in the light again, both literally and figuratively.  And it feels good

And blogging – I’m back to blogging again and I think that’s best of all.  It’s my voice.

 

'til later

Nope, haven’t disappeared again.  It’s again lack of internet.  I really do need to get that fixed.

 

I need to rant here; there isn’t enough characters on Twitter for what I need to say– and yes it’s about that abomination that has the title of president, but is in fact, not one.  A president is someone who rules, who comforts a nation in time of trouble.  It’s someone who encourages.  It’s someone who works with the other members of his team to get things done.  This abomination does none of these things.  Now I can’t even call him a man because he isn’t one.

 

I want to scream in pain and anger and hurt and frustration and it isn’t even my country.  As with so many of my neighbours to the north, I’ve been so badly shook up at what happened in Charlottesville VA.  My heart hurts for the family of Heather Heyer who was by all that I’ve seen and read an extraordinary person.

She was killed by a terrorist.  No ifs and or buts.  A terrorist.  It was a group of terrorists from different factions that descended upon Charlottesville and the fact that the abomination refuses to call them that and if that isn’t bad enough, he justifies them – well there are no words.  And the scum that make up the republican party who do and say the bare minimum, if that, are also IMO also abominations.  The Ryans, the McConnells, the Pences and the Sessions are not one iota better than him.  Until the man abomination ran for president I didn’t have hate in my heart.  But I do now and I don’t know how to handle it.  As time goes by it’s only growing stronger and I can’t seem to eradicate it as the abomination keeps growing with every thing it does.

Last week the world was in danger of a war that would have killed millions by first strikes and then by ongoing fall out from the weapons used.

This week there is a race war going on and the hatred is oozing its way north.  I knew by watching the race it was going to happen as the abomination unlocked the gates of evil hatred and unleashed the demons that escaped.  And living in Canada there was nothing I could do.  It’s been such a helpless feeling knowing what was coming.

But it’s even worse than I could have guessed.  Not only has the abomination unlocked the gates, it is riding with them, egging on their vile, evil hatred, using all the power that so many unsuspecting and lets be honest, many uncaring as long as they got what they thought he would give them, anointed it with.  And those few with the power to stop it are not doing so as the only thing they care about is not the people they are charged with looking after, but their own greed and avarice.   It sickens me to my very soul.

 

And that evil is invading my country.  There are many who approve of the abomination in Canada.  I hear them and their hate spewing vileness on the radio talk shows.  I heard on caller yesterday who said it was Heather’s fault that she died by hatred and that the abomination was right in what it said, that the evil was attacked and those who were protesting this spreading evil were responsible.  I screamed at the radio, truly screamed.  And I feel I’m turning into what I most hate and abhor.

Today I saw that the abomination – the same it that refused to call out the terrorism that attacked the US this past weekend; that not only refused to acknowledge what it really was, well it called out the terrorism that happened today in Spain – before it was even established who is responsible.  And why did it do this?  Because it is assuming that whoever is responsible is Muslim.  Chances are that they are.  But not for a nano-second do I equate these terrorists with people who practice the peaceful religion of Islam.  They could not be more different.  But it hurts so bad that so many don’t seen this.  That they will lock them together in their soulless minds and as a result hatred will grow even stronger.  It will gain more of a foothold all over the world.  And this charge will be led by the abomination that has been given power in the US.  And again, nothing will be done to stop it.

I need to stay away from any kind of media in order to survive.  I need the distance to keep the blackness from growing in me.  I’m going on vacation next week and hopefully a lot of the hate I’m harbouring, the rage and almost the insanity that is trying to gain hold will diminish.

 

There is so much evil in the world.  And it scares me that it’s even taking over and leading so called Christians, leaving destruction in it’s wake.  It’s doing it to me – though at least I’m on the other side of the malevolence and immorality that is taking over this world.

I'm tired of the fear and the hate that is rising in me.

REALLY good reads over the past year

Sometimes a book or an author resonates with me so well I simply must ‘yell it to the rooftops’.  Anyone who has followed this blog for a while and wandered back to discover that ‘hey! She’s back. will know this.  Carian Cole is such an author.  I discovered her last year and since I wasn’t blogging at the time I didn’t get a chance to do my thing.  But now I can.  I have read some of her books multiple times since I read them the first time and now here I am, sharing what I’ve loved so much yet again.

 
The first few books are about a rock band, Ember and Ashes and while I’ve read and really enjoyed some rock singer books, for me these are on another level altogether.  I reviewed most of them on GoodReads (I think) so I’m reposting them here, starting with the first book.  I should note that since first doing this review, I've read the book twice more.

Storm by Carian Cole


I don’t read a whole lot of rock star books, though there are a few authors that have written in this trope that I’ve read. So when this one popped up, despite the rather scary looking cover model, I thought ‘what the heck? It’s cheap (read FREE) so why not give it a try?’ Sometimes those are good spontaneous decisions and sometimes not. In this case it was a Very Good Decision.

This book written in present tense, first person POV stars Evelyn as our heroine and Storm as our hero. Only a few years ago I wouldn’t touch this POV for anything but so many of the books I seem to be reading are written like this, when I read a 3rd person POV book. And the 1st person works very well. Evelyn and Storm meet under unusual circumstances. Evelyn is on her way to a conference in a blizzard and she is lost. While trying to figure out what to do, she manages to do damage to her car. Someone comes to help her and after giving him a hard time, she gets in his car and then he does something to his truck. It’s a long hike for help and the snow comes down like crazy so they are forced to spend the next two days in close company in his truck. Evelyn is a hoot and makes things very frustrating for Storm, but Storm is more amused than anything else. Though Evelyn has no idea who he is, turns out he’s a famous rock star. He’s hawt, long haired, tattooed and can get anything/anyone he wants so it’s rather refreshing to have someone treat him the way Evelyn does.

They develop a deep attraction to each other but Evelyn refuses to acknowledge or act on it. She’s been in a 12 year relationship and even though it’s clear to Storm as well as the reader that it’s a dead end road, Evelyn refuses to give up.

I enjoyed this book SO much. It’s funny and it’s cute and quite a joy to read. Evelyn is on the prickly side but it’s a good prickly and once you read about her history, we understand why she is the way she is. And Storm!! My goodness what a swoon worthy hero. He’s one of the better ones, that’s for sure.

One of the reasons for this review since the book is on the older side is this is the first in a series of books about all the members of Ashes & Embers, their band. This is the first book I’ve read by this author and I was delighted to see she has quite a nice backlist. I’ve already purchased the next two in this series. I look forward to reading and will be reviewing more of her books. So listen to this here reviewer, get this book and give it a read. It's well worth the time.
Grade: 5 out of 5

“Politics again!’ you say?

I’ll make this one quick.  I’ve often been frustrated with John McCain.  He ‘gets’ what a nightmare trump is, he and Lindsay Graham both but when push comes to shove they both vote party lines instead of what’s good for the majority of the people of the US.

 

But he acted in what I consider a real act of courage the other evening when he voted no to the skinny bill despite what I’m sure was tremendous – nope sorry, I can’t use that word anymore – great pressure to do otherwise.  But he put the people first this time when he refused to vote for a bill that made no sense, apparently no one but a very few wanted and that would have devastated so many Americans with its mess up of health care.

 

Health care in the US is messed up anyway but why can’t the politicians just think of the people first instead of themselves or the kickbacks they get from big corporations.  And since this is basically a blog about romance, this is why I never read a book about politicians.  Even if they start out with the best of intentions, a politician will be corrupted at some point.  It’s unavoidable.  For some it might not be that corrupt and they may still have a relatively intact heart.  But for the vast majority they lose their soul.  And while the US it’s so blatant that it hurts, no country with any kind of democracy is immune.  I would love to see some politician come out and do some kind of congrats to a member of a different party on some kind of political deal.  Here in Canada when a new budget comes out, the opposition can’t wait to pounce on it.  Why can’t one leader, at least once say something like “While it’s not something our party would do, I see why they did that and that they are trying to do the right thing.

 

Which brings me back to John McCain.  At 2:30 am or whatever time it was when I turned the television off after the results of the vote on the ‘skinny bill’, I felt a bit of hope.  It’s not a lot of hope mind you as the GOP continue to allow this maniac called a president to run around unchecked doing untold damage, but even a bit of hope is nice.

Can you hear a heart break

I had an entirely different blog post planned but it has been a flowing day.  Since I started this morning, the senate has gone ahead and voted to repeal affordable care.  I truly believe this is the darkest day for the United States in modern times.  Shame, shame, shame on the whole party.  They have put hatred and greed and their own disgusting ambition ahead of the American people.  I’m truly sickened by what they have done today and while I won’t be affected since I live in Canada WHERE WE HAVE UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE, I have many friends in the US and my sister lives there also and will probably be affected.  The last time I spoke to her she couldn’t talk about the subject. 

 I’m building up to a rant here and believe me it is not against the American people but how long can things go the way are?  The US is no longer a first world country by many standards.  They have just voted to remove the basic right of health care.  In every other first world country, health care is a given.  In Canada, in the United Kingdom, in Australia, in France, Germany and many other nations, health care is a given.  The governments are not fine to let people die because they can’t afford to pay.  This hurts my very heart and should hurt the hearts of everyone who has one, no matter where they live.  I truly want to weep now for the people of this country.

 

How can the GOP do this?  How can John McCain, who claims to be a champion of the people and now diagnosed with cancer, now a preexisting condition, head to Washington and vote to take it away from everyday people?  How can he do this?

How can these people with the exception of Susan Collins and Lisa Murkowski vote for something that they don’t even know what it is they are voting for? 

From the Huffington Post:

Heading into Tuesday’s vote, it was highly uncertain that McConnell would have enough votes to take Obamacare repeal over this first hurdle. This first vote was a real test of whether Senate Republicans were committed to undoing the Affordable Care Act, increasing the number of uninsured Americans by millions or even tens of millions and disrupting the health insurance market in ways that would disadvantage older, poorer and sicker people.

Republican senators who voted for this motion did so without having any idea what legislation they were about to move on to.

 

The faces of Evil

 

 

From Politico:

Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.), recently diagnosed with brain cancer, entered the chamber to a standing ovation and cast the 50^th Republican vote. GOP Sens. Susan Collins of Maine and Lisa Murkowski of Alaska broke ranks to oppose the measure, forcing Vice President Mike Pence to break a 50-50 tie.

From Shareblue:

The Republican health care bill is enormously unpopular, and would strip health insurance coverage from over 20 million people, while cutting Medicaid by over $700 billion. It is completely supported by the Republican leadership, including Donald Trump, McConnell, and Speaker Paul Ryan.

 

I don’t understand and I will never understand such cruelty

This and That

Yes.  Surprise.  It’s me again after more than a year’s absence.  If I’m posting this I actually remember my password.

So – for a long delayed this and that.

I’ve been noticing a trend in the books I’ve been reading lately and I’m not sure – no, I am sure – that I don’t really like.  During love scenes, the speaking and the demanding and explaining are getting quite explicit.  It used to be that they would have the hero whisper in the heroine’s ear what he was going to do to her, but now it seems in many a book that he outright explains – in very explicit detail.  Then he demands she reply to what he wants, what he’s doing.  Now here’s hoping it’s not a sign I’m a prude or anything, but I like things less detailed or I don’t know, more purpley.  I don’t like purple but I think I’d like a tad better than too much graphics.  I’d like them to be a bit more balanced I’m thinking.

 

I’ve been reading quite a few new adult, a sub-genre I never thought I’d be getting into.  Most of them have younger hero/heroines and are written in the first person with alternating views.  I didn’t think for the longest time I would enjoy first person so much bet I really am.  I read one recently though were the age was a real factor in knocking the book down a few grades.  The heroine was either 20 or 21 and the hero had serious emotional issues.  While there needs to be a suspension of disbelief in reading many a romance novel and I’m fine with this, in the case of this particular book I just couldn’t buy into for even a moment that this couple would last.  She was too immature and he was too damaged.  I wish the author had made them older and shown some growth in the heroine.  It would have made it more enjoyable.  For those authors who write in this genre, just a wish that they keep this kind of thing in mind.

 

While I haven’t blogged in over a year, I have been more active on both GoodReads and Twitter.  I love sharing books I’ve really enjoyed.  Anyone who has been with me for a while knows this and when I do read a great book I send out a lot of rec’s to my GoodRead ‘friends’.  I also do a lot of checking for other romance authors with similar tastes and can while away many an hour doing this.

And as for Twitter, I’ve come to the conclusion that most people, or at least many, prefer either Twitter or Facebook.  Me, I’m a Twitter gal.  While I had a Facebook pages, I don’t use it at all.  Sad as this is, I think this had an effect on blogging.  Alas, I know it’s been a factor for me.

 

Politics – There is no possible way I could say everything I think in one short paragraph.  It will take a few posts.  But to summarize, I’m appalled, I’m horrified, I’m confused and most of all, I’m scared for the entire world. 

 

Amazingly, we didn’t need a password.  The computer remembered