Quite some time ago, Mail made a bet with a friend (she must have some of the most interesting bets) and posted some of her most embarrassing moments. Apparently, if no one responded in a certain time, she was allowed to delete the post. Well, it was a hoot of a list and it seems she had something like 10 minutes to go when myself and another person responded and she had to leave it up. At the time she said I owed her some embarrassing moments back. I’ve always felt that obligation in the back of my mind – I gotta get over this kind of feeling. Anyway, this one is for Maili!
I was in a department store – Giant Tiger -the other day. I’m not sure what to compare it too – maybe a smaller, friendlier Walmart. They have all kinds of things. Frozen food, discount clothing, toiletries, portable DVD players – you name it, they have it - almost. One of the items they have is great underwear. Now great underwear to me is an entirely different kettle of fish than great underwear to someone much younger. GU to me is something that will hold parts of me in, yet be comfortable at the same time. I am a thong virgin – and will remain so until my dying day. Medium to firm support for me if you please. For those who saw the movie Bridget Jones Diary, there was this really great scene where she was trying to decide between the practical ugly underwear or the sexy provocative underwear. She (and I) went with practical.
So with my GU, a few frozen dinners for my hubbie, shampoo and a half price chocolate bar, I went to the checkout. The cashier was an older lady so I (phew) was safe. After all these years, I still feel awkward when I buy personal things. I gotta get over this kind of thing. I was about 3rd or 4th in line and there were a few people that lined up after me. At this point a young and rather attractive cashier of the male persuasion opened up, looked right at me and said “I can help you over here”. I pretended not to hear him. He said it again. The person behind me tapped me, pointed and said “over there”. Now why couldn’t it have been one of those people who will mow you down trying to get ahead of you in line? Reluctantly, I walked over to the next register thinking “I don’t want to do this, I don’t want to do this". I dumped all my purchases on the belt somehow hoping the GU would slip by unnoticed and started looking out the window like there was something very interesting going on out there. Twas not be. When he got to the GU, the ugly, the white, the full size for medium support UW, he held them up – I got two don’t you know – and said “You realize the sale is final on these items?” “Fuck off” I thought while giving him the royal “of course, proceed” wave yet inside dying of embarrassment. What I really wanted to say was “I’m over 50 fuckin’ years old and I still wasn’t aware that you couldn’t return underwear. How bloody thoughtful of you to point this out for me in front of all these people”
I made it out of the store, got in the car, hit my head on the steering wheel and thought “Damn! Shit! Shit, Damn. I really really gotta get over this.”