Thoughts from the C4 Floor

McMurhpy I'm not! Nurse Ratched was my nurse again yesterday and the best way I felt to play it was to let her know that I knew that she was in total charge. I realized this when she came in first thing in the morning - 7:30 - this is almost earlier than if I were working. And it was a Saturday!! I'm never up at 7:30 on a Saturday - to get me into my chair - where I didn't want to go and give me my medicine including a shot of fragmin in my stomach where I didn't want to get it. I told her my arm but she refused to listed to what I wanted and since it didn't end up hurting in my stomach after all - well that just about took all fight out of me. She kept me up and in my chair for most of the day and I paid for it last night when I couldn't get my breathe enough and the late nurse called in a resperologist! The late night nurse (and all others) have been wonderful. I have a strong girl crush on Mary. She still does the most basic of things for me yet doesn't make me feel helpless as opposed to Nurse Ratched who makes me feel each and ever indignity there is to feel. That is one of the things I feel most helpless about - the inability to do almost a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g. for myself. And the health care practitioners can have such an effect on this. Nurse Ratched puts all call buttons and things almost beyond my reach and refuses to pay any attention. Unfortunately she is my nurse again today and I'm determined to take it easy today. I will be working my ass off starting tomorrow and I want to rest up today and save energy. I'm sure this will be in direct opposite of what she has planned for me. I could tell I made her mad yesterday when she was on a break and I had another nurse help me back to bed. She would have preferred me up all day - but it's just too exhausting after a while. Plus, then my leg hangs down and my whole leg swells up.

Speaking of breaks - they gave me my xrays yesterday. I'm going to see if I can find someone to scan the pics and then post them 'cause, yep, just as I suspected, I really did a number. No *phhtt* mere sprain for this patient!

And other thoughts.

I happened to overhear my room mate and a nurse talking about Pride and Prejudice and how much they both loved it. Well, as you can only imagine, I could hardly wait until I had a chance to talk about a certain other well know British miniseries.

Well, when the opportunity arose, talk it up I did! I showed them a couple of the clips from YouTube. Marilyn, my roommate was so interested that when she was released from the hospital to go home, she was planning on stopping at a video store on the way home to get a copy. While she has something entirely different from me, she has a lot of time on her hands. One never knows when an opportunity to do some Crusading might come up and one must be prepared at all times.

And speaking of Crusaders, it entirely slipped my mind to mention our latest one. It's been a while now but author Julie James was smitten recently. I saw on Twitter she was watching it and then she blogged about North and South - and voila - Crusader.

And now the most bizarre thing of all. I think I may have just met a gentleman friend. Yesterday Marilyn, my room mate left and I was left on my own for a while. Then later last night, after spending quite sometime cleaning up the other side of the room, I was just nodding off and heard them moving someone else into the room. It didn't take long before I realized it was a male voice I was hearing. That kind of made me feel a bit odd I'll be honest and say. But he sounded very friendly from across the curtain. I heard the nurse asking him about himself and he said he was a widower; his wife passed away suddenly slightly over a year ago. I gathered that he was close in age to me.

Anyway, we've be chatting away quite a bit today - he's headed to the same rehab hospital I am in a few days. He is indeed a very nice man and speaks very lovingly of his wife and children. We seem to have an amazing amount similar in common.

And final thought. I'm going to need some stuff when I go to the rehab hospital. Unlike here, we will be getting showered and dressed first thing in the morning. And we are supposed to have slippers. But I don't really have a lot of casual, workout type clothes or slippers. And there was also other stuff I needed like soap and shampoo and socks and stuff. I knew Ryan would be useless at getting a lot of this so I asked him if he thought his girlfriend would mind. Good move Kristie! I think he was thrilled I would ask if she would, she was thrilled that I wanted her help and I was thrilled that I could bond with her over something so simple. So she came up to see me this afternoon to get a list of what I needed. I also asked her to bring up some books I had at home. Books that looked interesting to her since I would have been interCested in any of them at the time since I bought them :-)

So there we go - the latest report from the one legged romance reader

I met my Nurse Rached today

Nurse Mildred Ratched is the main antagonist from Ken Kesey's 1962 novel One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, as well as the 1975 film.

A cold, sadistic and passive-aggressive tyrant, Nurse Ratched has become the stereotype of the nurse as a battle axe. She has also become a popular metaphor for the corrupting influence of power and authority in bureaucracies such as the mental institution in which the novel is set.

Contents

In the novel

Nurse Mildred Ratched is the head administrative nurse at the Salem, Oregon State (Mental) Hospital, where she exercises near-absolute power over the patients' access to medications, privileges, and basic necessities such as food and toiletries. She capriciously revokes these privileges whenever a patient displeases her. Her superiors turn blind eyes because she maintains order, keeping the patients from acting out, either through antipsychotic and anticonvulsant drugs or her own brand of "therapy", which consists mostly of humiliating patients into doing her bidding. Her greatest success is the stuttering, suicidal Billy Bibbit, who is so terrified of her that he does whatever she says.

When Randle McMurphy arrives at the hospital, however, her dictatorial rule is nearly toppled: he flouts her precious rules with impunity, and inspires other patients to follow. Her attempts to cow him into submission — at first with threats and mild punishments, then with shock therapy — are unsuccessful, serving only to fuel his defiance.

Eventually McMurphy sneaks his prostitute girlfriend into the asylum, and encourages her to relieve Billy of his virginity. Ratched threatens to tell Billy's mother about the transgression. Since Billy fears his mother as much or more than he fears Ratched, the threat frightens him into committing suicide. Enraged, McMurphy attacks Ratched, and nearly chokes her to death.

In retribution, Ratched has McMurphy lobotomized. Another patient, Chief Bromden, the narrator of the book, later smothers McMurphy as a mercy killing. However, while Ratched's main antagonist has been removed, McMurphy has the last laugh, as her control over the other patients is gone, because he permanently damaged her vocal cords when he choked her, in effect destroying the primary tool she used to enforce her will. She can no longer speak, at least not very well, and often must write notes to communicate. With Ratched crippled, she can no longer intimidate the other patients, and the institution is saved.

It looks like I'll be moving to a new hospital today. This new one is just across the street and I have 'people' there too - it helps to work in the system. This new hospital is a rehabilitive one and I was supposed to meet with a representative yesterday to see if I qualified - too 'well' to be at this one, but not 'well' enough to go home. I knew things would be 'off' yesterday morning though when I first met the am nurse when she showed up for her shift around 6:30 shift. I adore the nurse/case managers I work for and this adoration is now spreading to the nursing staff here. They are wonderfully warm, caring people who manage to retain their dignity and patience and professionalism through some real tough times. But this nurse in particular yesterday didn't introduce herself - the first time that's happened in over the week I've been here. I knew there would be issues after the first intro:

Her: Debra, it's time to get up

Me: Actually, my name is really Kristie, My first name is Debra but I go by Kristie.

Her: But it says Debra on your chart.

Me: Yes, but I don't go by that name and if you call my by it, chances are I won't answer since I have'd used it since I was two -well over 50 years now.

Her: Well then, Kris,

Me: No, it's Kris-tie {thinking - don't fuckin' argue with me over my name at 0-7-00 in the fuckin' morning when I had about 2 hours sleep due to a patient melt down the night before that lasted most of the night!}

Anyway - later on in the morning, this occupational therapist said he would be back to see me and see how far I progressed. I pressed my call button and Nurse Rached came in and before I finished explaining that I wanted help cleaning up since I looked awful and smelled worse, muttered something and turned around and left!!

She came back about half an hour later but I didn't know was going to do this, and said, all right, let's get you clean and ready. Walk to the washroom/shower stall. (it's about 30 feet away)

Me: I haven't walked half that distance yet!!

Her: Well, your going to have to if you go to Parkwood. They won't let you just sit around.

Me: I know that, but I've been working with physiotherapists and we are just getting started. I haven't walked close to that far - it's not that I'm trying to get out of it I just haven't done it with the people I'm working with.

Her: Don't be silly. We have most of our patients walking a lot further than this by the second day.

Me: Smoke starting to come out my ears - fine, I'll try it, but I hope they don't come too soon after we are done, and I don't have the energy to show them what I can do since you've already tired me out.

I reached out for her arm to help steady myself, but she pulled it away, saying they won't allow me that kind of help at Parkwood, I manage to get on my feet and shuffle to the washroom/shower stall.

Then - doesn't she bloody stay and shower me!!! She wouldn't let me have help walking to it, but sitting down on the bench where I can do it myself, she's the one holding the shower head - and won't let go! And gets soap in my eyes.

Finally we are done, I'm back in my bare assed gown - oh - and I should say at this point she wanted us to start our journey while they guy was walking around the room picking up breakfast dishes and putting clean sheets and stuff away. These hospital gowns are BACKLESS and while a good deal of my natural dignity has had to go down the drain, that does NOT mean I want to moon the food guy!

I'm sitting, arms crossed in my gown in the bathroom and ask if she can please get the wheel chair I can get into once I walk to it - hey - I'm willing to cooperate.

Her: I don't know where it is.

Me: Well, perhaps you could look for it.

Her: They are going to make you walk at Parkwood

Me:(why are we going over this same conversation all over again???) Yes, I know - and I will be ready and willing to work, but right now I'm exhausted. I've walked twice as far as I have yet, I had a shower which took a lot out of me and I don't want to be overtired when they get here.

Her: Well, the least you could do is try it. And then if you can't make it, I'll look for the wheel chair.

Knowing this is as much as she'll concede, I say fine. About halfway there, I'm exhausted, my leg is hurting as much as it has since I've first arrived and my other leg is really starting to hurt. I stopped.

Her: what are you doing?

Me: I'm stopping. Really, I have reached the end. I can't breathe and I hurt all over.

It is at this point I realize Nurse Rached has no intention of helping me out. She is in a power game and she will not allow herself to loose. My only choices are to stand there or somehow hope I can dig deep into everything I have and make it. I have enough fury in me to make it. Then when I'm in bed, almost crying from pain she said,' see - you didn't need to get prissy!'

I thought my room mate was going to see me commit murder if I hadn't bee so exhausted. Honestly - I NEVER get that mad.

Oh - and bitch spiked my medication. She slipped me an enema pill that kicked in at the end of the day and kept me on the toilet for over an hour. Mind you, I felt mighty cleansed after.

And the physio people showed up about 1/2 an hour after Nurse Rached left the room and I couldn't do what I needed to to. Thankfully they gave me credit for the morning's workout and came back again in the afternoon and I did very well they said. The physiotherapist gave me an orange popsicle and said only her best patients got popsicles.