Etc Time

Life is a roller coaster ride isn’t it? 

We go from high to low in the blink of a minute.  My high is the house is coming along great in its transformation from hoarder home to happy home.  We did the bedroom this past week and that went so much easier than I feared it would.  For any who haven’t been with me long term, my husband died of cancer over 10 years ago now and I still hadn’t dealt with his person items, clothes, personal items and so on.  They have been haunting me but I couldn’t do what’s been needed to be done for a long time now.  But with the help of my organizer, we did the bedroom.  And it was in bad shape overall let me tell you.  I couldn’t even see the floor, it was so covered in clothes and boxes and stuff.  I can’t remember the last time I made the bed.  It was only 1 layer, not a drastic case like you might watch on Hoarders, but for someone who suffers from frequent falls like I do these days, getting up in the middle of the night in the dark, to use the washroom, was quite an exercise.

But I ended up going through Ron’s things very quickly with only a few very emotional moments but also with some amusing ones.  Because I had the dresser and Ron had the chest of drawers, I never checked the dresser until the other day.  He had 3 drawers full of socks – THREE.  One full of white socks, one full of dark socks and one full of work socks.  I donated most of his clothes and a lot of personal items.  The only things I have of him now are his leather jacket, his ID bracelet and 2 jars FULL of pennies.  We don’t have pennies in Canada anymore.

My floor is now completely clutter free.  I’ve been making the bed the moment I’m out of it – except this morning since I forgot to set the alarm clock and woke up late.  Because the comforter is black and I have two cats who love to sleep on it when I let them in there, I found myself using a clothes brush on it until I wash it.  That might take a while as I have a huge backlog of clothes to wash and my dryer needs some work.

So now I have 3 rooms that don’t look like the others – until we get to the others and as the clutter gets cleaned up, it seems my shoulders are lifting higher and higher.  We’ve had bags and bags of junk lined up outside along the driveway.  We have a 3 bag garbage bag limit and there are a heck of a lot more garbage bags than 3 so yesterday I had 1-800-GOTJUNK  to come and take them away.  There was also a lot of yard trash they took and now the outside is looking real good.  I have lawn maintenance people and so the grass is properly maintained – I had major landscaping done also last fall – so it’s looking good outside and inside – main rooms anyway at the moment.

So. That was the high.  Now for the low.

My work world came crashing down on my head on Friday.  One of the reasons I’m still working and don’t plan on retiring next year – YIKES – next year when I turn 65 – good thing I don’t look it – is for the social aspect of the job.  I live alone with 2 cats – 2 happy cats now they have clean kitchen counters and a bedroom they can hang out in.  So I need the interaction with people I have at work.  It sure helps that I adore the people I work with and I love the job.  It’s in non-profit health care and there are many times a day when I’ve helped someone that I get that inner happiness.  Most of the people I work with are so much fun.  While I mostly work, as long as long as there is work to do, at times the social aspect of the job win out.  Of course there are those who are difficult to work with – NOT team players. You’re going to get that wherever you work and as long as I keep in mind that’s just who they are, I can get along quite cordially with them. 

But on Friday I learned all the people I interact with the best are leaving the department.  There have been a flurry of openings in other departments and they’ve all bid and got positions in another area.  Even my job share partner said she was leaving and knew I wouldn’t want to.  She told those around me that she had emailed me – since the very nature of the job is we don’t work together – but I didn’t get one.  These are the people to the right of me, people to the left of me, people who make it a joy to come in and work.  One has already left and the other ones will be leaving within the next several weeks.  While not letting it show on the outside and wishing them well, on the inside I’m devastated.  The guy I sit beside I’ve worked with for 8 or so years and he’s one of the most funny and fun people I’ve worked with.  And the coworkers who has left, she moved to a different city altogether as it’s a 45 minute drive from where she lives and a 5 minute drive from her new location, is one of the sweetest, kindest person I’ve worked with.

So now all that remain will be the difficult coworkers, the ones I have had run ins with, the non team players, the ones that make me grit my teeth and let out steam when I’m tired and the ones I don’t really have conversations with.  Yes, the others will be in the same building but it’s a large building with many employees and when they leave it’s never the same again.  I’ve experienced it many a time during the years.  A couple of years ago they moved me from where I was and it took a long time to get over it and the relationships are different now.  It takes me a while to let my guard down in many cases and get involved in conversations so even though we will be having others replace them, it’s like starting over again.

This is the kind of thing that triggers a depression and it’s like I’m on the edge of that cliff, whirling my arms around in order to not fall in.  I know I won’t, I’ll get past it and be OK but in the meantime I was up crying the other night at 2:30 in the morning as I don’t want them to leave me (that’s how it feels though I know it’s not true).

See, roller coaster?

*** update***

The roller coaster hadn’t quite hit bottom yet.  We had a meeting this afternoon whereupon we found out that all our caseloads had changed for better balance numbers.  The case manager I’ve worked with since I started in this department and I are no longer paired.  And of all the many,

many care coordinators I’ve worked with over the years, she is right up there very close to the top.

‘til later

 

PS – but then on the roller coast going up again side

, I found the jar of homemade blueberry jam I’ve been trying to find for months now.  Now since we went from almost winter, straight to summer, I just need to find the little girl fan I bought in the winter. 

I have room on the end table in the bedroom for it now.